A gifted Toy
(Tame the monster inside you)
A. J. Dave
(B.E. Mach)
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© Author
First published in May 2009
Published by
A. J. Dave
(B.E. Mach)
12 Sai Sadan
M. V. Road
Hargovinddas Lake
Andheri (East)
Mumbai – 400 069
INDIA
Phone (Resi.) : 022-6525 9764
Email : amitjdave@yahoo.com
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Contents
1. Introduction
2. A gifted toy
3. Ask why not me
4. Make serenity your goal……… only goal
5. Keep moving……… Loose inertia
6. Faith, faith and lots of faith
7. Yoga and stretching… a helping hand
8. Don’t meditate… for now
9. Understand the time… keep cards
10. Maintain a diary… soothe your nerves
11. Don’t take major decision… at least now
12. Surrender… resurrender… a panacea
13. Know the physical symptoms…. Keep away
14. Develop gratitude…. Pray
15. Attach positive feeling to each negative one
16. Observe silence
17. Medication ……… a boon
18. Listen… just listen
19. Go picnic
20. Take up mantra
21. Surrender to GURU – the way out
22. Practice a time for worry
23. Desensitize yourself… your shield
24. Learn towards spirituality…
a permanent solution
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25. Read good books
26. Help others
27. Moment to moment attention
28. Don’t compare
29. Act as if………
30. Do pranayam
31. Know what you want and what you don’t
32. Find purpose
33. Look back and relax
34. You are always in the middle
35. Tone down your own evaluation
– avoid guilt
36. Jungle rules
37. Avoid over indulgence in compassion
38. Break background music… temporarily
39. Identify where the problem lies
40. Cry frequently… release the load
41. Put your self in learning mode
42. Know the difference between
contentment and loss of goal
43. Expend brotherhood…. Love all
44. 100 matter and Ten to Ten test
45. Forgive and forgive
46. Accept the consequence of your action
and built up confidence
47. A Gifted Toy (tamed monster a buddy)
48. Annexure – I – list of books
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A Gifted Toy
(Tame the monster inside you)
I was rushing down the road,
Singing, jumping all along in joyous mood.
On a sharp corner, fogy day and far way.
I bumped into a monster blocking my way.
I was knocked down, bleeding on the road side,
The monster was laughing loud and wide,
I lay there for days unknown,
woke up to see the rainy afternoon.
There were rains, lightning and thunder storm,
I had to lay there, why I don’t know.
Rain stopped and rainbow sighted
Birds seen flying, singing and delighted,
There was joy in all woods around
But I was scared, looking the monster around.
Few boys came around I did not say any thing but,
They lifted me up and took me to a hut.
I met my GURUJI, whom I know as my mentor
He gave me food, medicine and shelter,
He taught me the ways and means for
How to live happily once again
“Still I am scared GURUJI,” once I screamed
“I always see monster in my dream”
“Why do you think” said Guruji
“Monster blocking you”
“It is now only inside you and
you only are blocking your way”
“Learn the ways and art of life”
Take the inner monster in you stride”
“Make it your best friend, O my boy”
It is a blessing in disguise and A GIFTED TOY.
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Acknowledgement
I am thankful to my GURUJI, who opened my eyes and made me aware. I am also thankful to my wife, Minaxi and my sons Pratik and Sanket for without their help. This attempt would not have been possible.
Finally a big thank to Almighty, who gave me this ‘Toy’ as a gift from him.
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Dedication
This book is dedicated to all those readers who are striving hard to tame their inside monster, and to make spiritual progress in their life.
This book is dedicated to those, who pass each day in a great pain, who has lost count of the days & months and are earnestly prying and trying to pass at least one day peacefully.
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Chapter 1
Introduction
In today’s world there are lot of stresses. People need to perform to their peak and are always on their toes. Lot of people has a brush with death, an encounter with a failure, people has been cheated by close relatives, deserted by spouses or unhappy over ill health of their relatives so many have lost their jobs in the recession.
These extreme stresses develop lot of problems including psychosomatic diseases and psychological problems. Few of them have to resort to various medicine to control their anxiety and mood. Though, this book is not a substitute to any such expert’s opinion, it will definitely work hand in hand with al other remedies.
There are lots of books on self help available in the market. Never the less “Take it easy” “Think positive” “Don’t give up.” Such advices do not work when emotion run rampage. No amount of wisdom or will power will reuse you out of an anger or anxiety attack, once it has set in.
This book is an attempt to make reader aware of the original problem and to resort to some practical solutions for their emotional problems. This book will not make you a leader, an executive or a top politician. The main idea is to make reader aware and comfortable with his bunch of feeling. It is a humble attempt to make reader feel good. most of the time, while performing his normal day to day activities.
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A Gifted Toy
As the reader incorporates, the ideas on regular basis, slowly but certainly the approach toward feelings will improve. Awareness of feelings and controlled set of moods are the ultimate goal of this book.
This would be a worthwhile attempt if any on reader, you, can get awareness of the feelings and manage to feel good through out the day.
The gifted toy (tame the monster inside you) is a poem, which narrates a tale of a person-you-me, suddenly Struck by the mood swings. In other ward a person in depression and in some cases a clinical depression.
A clinical depression is defined as loss of hope, loss of interest, loss of appetite, loss of energy, loss of sleep, loss of concentration in all day to day activities, that persist more than few of days. All unhealthy emotions like worthlessness, quilt, remorse, self pity, pity on others are part of this monster-known as clinical Depression.
It is absolutely necessary to take expert advice, professional help and medicine in extreme cases. Please ………… please do not avoid seeking expert’s views or medicine if required
Following major steps are involved in your recovery & be aware.
a. Accept be aware that there is a problem.
b. Get help……… from the professionals if required… (including medicine)
c. Surrender.
d. Fight back………… use various techniques shown here.
e. Help others.
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The other part of poem “Gifted –toy (tamed monster, a buddy) is a winning song, a joyous out bust of the same person you-me, after overcoming his worries, mood swings and depression.
This small practical booklet is the out came of my own struggle to control unhealthy emotion during my early years. Hence, it is full of all practical idea used and are being used to change the mood pattern.
I wish the reader will cheer-up after reading the book and practicing the small ideas given therein, May God bless you.
Introduction
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Chapter 2
A Gifted Toy
This is the first step in changing your mood pattern. Moods are more or less automatic dependent upon your environment, biological condition and of course your attitude. Moods are like swings, this moment they are on this side the next moment on other side.
Fighting the bad moods and bad thoughts will worsen the situation. These are ‘n’ number of thoughts you may experience in a day. The problem starts when you stick to the negative one. The more you try to control, the more it will bounce back. If you have developed the habit of negative or bad mood, your mind will search for one, find it out in seconds and then will stick to it. It is like a strong magnet attaching small pieces of iron and than holding it indefinitely.
Once a disciple asked his guru, “Guruji I want to realize God, how can I achieve that?” “Sit down in a corer, close your eyes & think of God. Remember, you should not think of a black dog while you do this” After few hours the disciple comes to guru exhausted and said, “It is impossible not to remember black dog, Guruji.”
“I know that, now let any thought come and go, you just watch them.” This is the correct way you can handle your bad moods. Let those bad moods come and go. You be there & be aware.
I know a man, who has several disease as per diagnosis by the doctor. He was very much upset by
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A Gifted Toy
the way he had to live. These are lot of restrictions and lot of medication, suggested by the doctor for him. I have seen him very unhappy for days together. One fine morning he came smiling. On asking he reveled, “I have accepted my health and life as they aver. I have no complaints.”
Know it for sure that, this is a gifted toy specially given to you by the almighty to play with and learn something from the life events. Also be aware that, all that negative appears correct today, is not the true picture. It is like coloured glass you are wearing, which gives coloured pictures. If you can not stop the negative thought & feeling today, just be aware & pray to God to lead the way.
Just be aware, pray and accept this situation as
“A Gifted Toy”.
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Chapter 3
Ask why not me
This idea of “Why not me” was revealed to me by a young boy. This boy, very intelligent in his study was not selected for a scholarship. He came to me, with his head down and said, “I am not selected.”
“So what?” I explained there are one hundred and twenty students in your batch. Why not others?
Suddenly. I realized how easy it was for me, to advise this boy. In one of my illnesses I was always unhappy about “Why me, O lord” Slowly it dawned on to me that, the question “why not me?” has a deeper meaning then it appears.
Any set back, physical, emotional, financial or career problems, family problems, demise of a loved one, you name it, can be eased by asking “why not me”, there are hundred thousand people around you. It has to happen to any body. It could be me, you or anybody else. It is just a matter of chance, that you were short listed for this purpose.
I am not saying here, that you should take everything lying down, without any diligent fight. Work, fight and remember the question “why not me?”
It is not as easy as it appears to accept the full meaning of this question, nevertheless, with full understanding and repeatedly asking the question “why not me” will ultimately ease out the intensity of your emotion about any event.
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A Gifted Toy
Trust me, it is a unique experience in this journey.
Ask why not me? ………and ease the intensity of the emotions.
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Chapter 4
Make serenity your goal — only goal
This idea is in all probably, away form the management technique. A good leader or a successful professional should set his goal high, normally physical goals like so much money, so many industries……… so much powers etc.
What I am suggesting is specially designed for the people whose mood and emotions do not allow them to reset properly not even during night ours. In such circumstances year goal rather only goal should be serenity and bliss.
In fact, all our effort and goals are ultimately intended to get joy and serenity in life.
Shading the anxiety, fear and uncertainintly in itself is a goal. Write down your goal as “Bliss at all cost at all time.” Everywhere you look at, on your mirror, on your working table, calendar, and diary. Read this goal nearly hundred times in a day. If you really mean it, slowly but certainly your approach towards the problems and moods will shift. When you say – and mean it – “bliss at all cost at all time” it is a top priority for you. Remind again and again, of this goal, to yourself, write down this goal in your dairy a dozen of times in a day.
When I suggest you this, you may find this as an absurd idea. How reading and verifying of a goal
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A Gifted Toy
like “bliss” will lead you to bliss. For Gods sake don’t doubt this. Just mean it and do it.
To strengthen the idea of your goal “bliss”, take up a character whom you think a perfect symbol of bliss in all adversity. Read everything about your hero. All the literature you lay your hands on. Let it sink into your subconscious mind.
Remember all other material goals are of no value if you are not at ease with yourself, not happy and serve at heart. This technique may require considerable time to show you the results but it certainly works.
Make serenity your goal ……… only goal.
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Chapter 5
Keep moving………
loose inertia
One of the worst place for your emotion to set in spiral is your rocking chair. Whenever you sit on your easy chair in a pensive mood, it drags you, in minutes to sadness. This statement is not correct for all the persons. However, if you have a tendency of mood swing you will approve it.
The ‘keep moving’ idea is simply a time schedule which include your work, daily chores, exercise and entertainment. This however, will not include sitting idle doing nothing for more than half an hour.
One of the best mood lifters is an exercise. Make it a habit to go for a long walk 30 to 45 minutes daily. All medical books and research will vouch for it. We are not have to discuss the anatomy of how it works Just do it. Better results will be noticed if you take a walkman mp3 player with you, listening to your favorite music.
Maintaining daily routine, as midst emotional set back will slowly lift your mood. It is highly essential that, you continue your daily job, business and work, at a slower pace, without discontinuing and activity. The main idea is to ‘Keep moving’ don’t gather inertia at any cost. Know it for sure that, those who move, even slowly, reach the destination sooner or later.
The problem however, is for those who are not
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A Gifted Toy
working, for such people working means helping others. Please don’t try to search for a job on urgent basis. This may further disappoint you. All that you need to do is help children do their school homework, help elderly person in their shopping. Find a worthy cause and work that may not give you any remuneration. You should join gymnastic and yoga classes for at least two hours a day. Join a library for two hours a day.
It may be possible that, some people find it very difficult to come out of their bed in the mornings. People who have last hope, of future or those who have nothing to do after coming out of bed may be reluctant to start a day itself.. More so some are terrified by the thought of facing their own wayward thoughts.
Come, here is hope for you, Keep moving, even if it pains initially. Go straight for the walk from bed. Take a pat dog along; take a MP-3 players along and more.
Keep moving.
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Chapter 6
Faith, faith and
lots of faith
Faith is a bird which feels the light and sings,
even when the dawn is still dark.
— R. Tagore
This is the exact definition of faith given be R. Tagore. This is the single virtue which can make you pull on in spite of all adversities. Faith is an abstract thing. If you develop this virtue it will make you life comfortable. Faith in almighty, faith in GURU, God, Jesus, Christ, Allah Whatever you believe whole heartedly will work wonder.
This is no superstition; please don’t misunderstand it with rubbish by an illiterate man. Recent study has shown that, those who attend temple, church frequently have lover stress and stress related ailments.
Faith does not depend on your present status it does not ask for any proof, it does not diminish with time. It is unshakable; you don’t loose it even if you loose everything. Faith in any person or individual may not wok here. Faith in almightily/God is absolutely necessary. Know it for sure that the Sun can not give you darkness.
The question now left is how to develop such unshakable faith in almighty. Asking someone to develop faith is quit easy, but to develop an unshakable faith in yourself is not an easy task. When a small child
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A Gifted Toy
narrate his problem to his father or mother he is sure that the father or mother has answer to his problems. He then leaves all the problems to his parents. Same mental attitude is required to develop the strong faith. When you seek higher powers help with full faith that, nothing is impossible for him you feel calmer.
There are two ways of increasing the faith in higher power. Like all virtues repartition is one way of increasing the faith. If you name this higher power say Ram, Buddha, Jesus, and Allah. It would be easy for you to accept his power. A daily does of faith in his awesome power will slowly boost you faith in him.
The other way is to select a role model who has achieved complete faith in God. Remaining in constant emotional touch with your role model will enhance your faith in God. He could be your GURU also.
Faith should not be misunderstood as blind faith. Faith in any person is not recommended. Draw a line between trust and faith. Trust could be in the human being but faith should only be in almighty.
A word of caution, please do not go for instant GURU in a haste. It is advisable that Guru should not be any living person on earth. The issue of cheating by so called Guru should be avoided at all cost.
Develop faith……… lot of faith.
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Chapter 7
Yoga and Stretching – a helping hand
ªÉÉäMÉ: ÊSÉkÉ ´ÉÞÊkÉ ÊxÉ®ÉävÉ:**
Controlling the flickering mind is Yoga.
Yoga, as it is normally understood in yogasana which is one of the parts out of eightfold yoga. Nevertheless this single part is enough for you to maintain calmness of mind. If you use yogasana with various other breathing techniques it works wonders.
The benefits of yogasana are not new thing for science. It is already proved that, for all chronic health problems, regular, stretching exercise is best.
Regular mood swings are indeed a chronic problem. These can be eased out by regular practice of yogasana, what you need is a good institute, an experienced teacher and a will to continue.
There are lots of literature and audio-video cassettes available for this. However, unless you are committed it will not help you.
Suffice it is to say here that, a regular yogasana session is an important tool for you to fight with your inner monster.
It is highly recommended that, the yogasana should be learnt at a reputed Yoga institute and under the guidance of professional trainers or doctors. Besides a yogasana session in a group is itself therapeutic.
I shall not elaborate on the asanas useful for your
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A Gifted Toy
mood swing problem. However, there is lot of practical video cassettes are available in the market or over the internet. It would be very effective if you first go for a long walk and then practice yogasana for half an hour.
Use the Trusted tool. Do yogasana.
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Chapter 8
Don’t meditate………
for now
This again is not in line with normal stress management techniques. Meditation in itself is very good for soothing your frayed nerves and soul. The more you practice. The more it shows the results.
However, here, I am talking for the people who are very much agitated from inside. Such people, if they sit closing their eyes, the speeding thoughts and disturbing emotions will overpower them, within minutes. Ultimately either they have to give up their meditation within first five minutes or they will feel worse after a fifteen minutes session of meditation.
Such experiences will ultimately make a person believe that, meditation is not possible for a normal person. They may again feel inferior to others, for that the only remedy for their mood swings is not practicable by them. This again is not true.
The main idea here are to purify your thoughts and pacify your emotions by other methods, mentioned in this book, for at least a couple of months. The more you practice the various other dynamic methods, the more internal purification will be noticed. Once you have achieved this state, you will not get agitated the moment you sit in the corner, cross legged with your eyes closed.
Meditation is very good in itself, for those who
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A Gifted Toy
has stress under control. It is like double edged sword which destroys your monster in both directions forward as well as backward provided you know how to operate it.
So cool down. The golden idea for the time being is to adopt various other methods and reaches the level, from where you can pick up meditation in its true sense.
Postpone meditation for now.
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Chapter 9
Understand the time trap……… keep cards
Time and again you must have noticed that, there is a specific time in a day when you feel mood swings without any provocation or without any reason. Generally junction of day and night is noticed as a phase during which you feel yourself down, without any justified reason.
Nobody knows why at such particular time such mood swings are noticed. Scientists link these mood swings to sunlight and even try to treat some of these by an artificial light beam.
The reason as for as I understand is that it depends upon person to person and his attitudes. Those who are very anxious and doubtful about their day and their work ahead feel bad mood in the morning and those who are very perfectionist or having ego feel bad in the evening, thinking their poor performance in the day that has gone. This becomes so automatic, that you may not be aware of a single thought and its expanded version before you loose your mood. Nevertheless, each mood swing must accompany a thought, a negative thought is its implication out of our imagination, like anger or helplessness to correct the situation and on and on. Such behavior ultimately leads to ba d mood in minutes.
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A Gifted Toy
A typical bad mood in the morning starts like this: “Today is board meeting and I have to give presentation” our mind starts searching for the work as soon as it wakes up. Thought of inadequacy may immediately lead you to think “whether or not I will be able to handle the situation”.
“What will happen if I fail?” “I could be fired” and you visualize yourself being fired and searching for another job. This whole process completes within thirty seconds and rest of the morning is lost in bad mood. This further multiply your problem, making you less confident.
For those feeling bad in evening, it could be analysis of their work. “Today I made a silly mistake in my work. How can I do this? What my boss will think about my ability to do work” and doom bad moods.
Imagine a strong magnet and a small ball of iron, trying to pass by it without being attracted and associated with it. It is not possible. Your mind has first decided to let you down, it then try to search for the reason, which it founds in seconds. Everyday you could have separate very small causes to feel bad on specific time.
Know this time trap. You need to understand your own time trap and be aware of the situation during that time. Every time you find yourself being dragged into the time trap, write down the problem on a small card and put it in your pocket. Convince yourself to solve this problem later in the day but not now. Touch this card frequently, making yourself sure that you are aware of the problem, but you do not want to solve it right now. Let you thought of “I could be fired” or “Today is the board meeting” remains on paper till afternoon. Take out the card after you finish
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you presentation and laugh loudly on your morning thoughts.
Postpone your spiral of thoughts time being keep cards.
Understand the time trap……… keep cards
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A Gifted Toy
Chapter 10
Maintain a diary……… soothe your nerves
The other day my son asked me, “Papa, why do we remember more when we write rather than simply read.” “Find out your own answer” I replied casually. After a few minutes he said “oh, I know because we use, greater part of own brain while writing so we remember more.” Though the answer is partially correct it led me to think how if we use greater part of our neurons, that too charge with emotions. The idea of writing down your thought and emotion in the form of a diary will help you soothe your nerves.
If you are emotionally upset and try to find any reason just by thinking process, it will not work. Thinking is such a fast process that is very tough to control. The difference between thinking and writing is like difference between an atom bomb and a nuclear reactor. The process and reaction in atom bomb cannot be controlled once it has started, whereas a nuclear reactor gives out heat and power as per our requirement and in controlled fashion.
There are some basic rules in writing down a diary/note or letters.
a. An out burst of emotion in the initial stage.
b. Logic in the middle.
c. Positive note at the end.
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Remember you mood depends on the end of your thought process, where you ultimately reach and stick while thinking if you have a habit of sticking to negative thought after almost all thought processes, you need to correct it by frequently writing such dairies or letters and notes.
Now take up an example.
Your spouse has yelled at you in presence of I guests and you are very much upset over his/her behavior.
Write a note/diary like this.
a. My spouse……… have made very wrong thing by shouting at me in presence of guest. I am very unhappy and upset over his/her behavior. I do not know how I can handle these emotions. This is very disgusting…….etc.
b. I know he/she has made a wrong thing; however, he/she also gets tired due to days hard work. Besides he/she works overtime and gets more tired. In such circumstances, some small reason might have exploded him/her. Such occasions are very rare in our life. It may not be his/her fault altogether. May be situation is to be blamed……….
c. Yesterday he/she has spent 3 hours cleaning the house and during some other household chores. He/she is loving and charming almost all the time. I think I must forgive him/her. In fact he/she is very valuable person in my life. I love him/her. Thank you for your love.
Maintain a diary……… soothe your nerves
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A Gifted Toy
If you are unhappy with yourself, your health, the circumstances in general, you can address such note yourself/ your GURU/ your role here or your emotional recovery problem.
Write dairy and soothe your nerves.
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Chapter 11
Do not take major
decision……at least now
“We will have to overhaul our machine, before we start our major cleaning process” declared my foreman, one day in our workshop. “Why, what is wrong with the machine, it is working.”
“Sir, he explained” I only know how it is working. It will not pass the trough trial of there weeks at a stretch.”
Suddenly, it dawned on to me, how come we are not aware of over body, mechanism and emotion. Without knowing its true potential some time we indulge in a heavy job and get upset.
By now you must be aware that, the basic problem lies inside and not outside. It is your vision and perception which has been magnified and distorted.
Once the vision has been distorted by impurities, it is advisable to clear the impurities first. A series of mood swing may prompt you to do something extra ordinary and wipe out it once for all. This may prompt you to take major decision and changes so as to feel good from inside. The only purpose of such decision is to feel comfortable with yourself. Know this trap and avoid it.
With such a vision, it is not advisable to take any major decision of your life. Generally you believe or rather anticipate that, you could feel happy, secure,
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A Gifted Toy
safe as well as competent after you make such major shifts. It may prompt you to change your job, career, house or even spouse. Hold on; don’t indulge in any drastic decisions right now.
You are the best judge of your vision. How do you test your new spectacles? Look at the test board, in the mirror outside the window and at the ceiling. If you find all view are distorted, there is something wrong with your speaks. Look every where. If you are finding problem everywhere say in office, at home, with your friend, with yourself, stop here. If you have sleepless night and tired mornings, lower mood and less concentration, stop, do not initiate any major tasks as of now.
Such hasty decision my spiral you life and career. Alcohol smoking and drugs are some of the trap which appears to give you relief from your mood swings. Be cautions of such traps. Do not multiply your problems by taking Alcohol, drugs or smoking the cigarettes.
The best choice is to take advice of a trusted friend or your spouse, when you feel the vision has been distorted. Ask some one to read for you, if you are not having correct glasses.
Correct the glasses first, look and act.
Don’t take major decision…… at least now.
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Chapter 12
Surrender… resurrender… a panacea
This is single strategy, which is capable of lifting you from rock bottom. Once you hit the bottom it is quite likely that by the grace of good and by virtue of your total surrender you can make it to the top. Surrender is a strongest magnet that can pull you out from any depth. Once you understand and feel the power of surrender you will not go back again.
Imagine rod fitted with a metallic ring in it. The ring is allowed to move between two stoppers upper and lower. These two rings represent lower and upper mental status of the human being. The ring (soul) is allowed to more between two mental stages (upper and lower). Generally lower stopper does not allow the ring (soul) to go down beyond specified limits. Due to some unlucky events the lower stopper breaks and the soul plunges in darkness – a vertical fall – a deep fall, is characteristic of depression – rather clinical depression. This vertical rod is your life and the ring is your soul. The freedom is generally restricted by the two stoppers. A man generally behaves between these two patterns. Once, due to gravity, or impact, if the lower stopper is broken the ring goes deep down and it experiences a vertical fall. Now only a powerful magnet can lift this ring up from the bottom. This powerful magnet is almighty and the process by which
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it can be brought near is surrender – total surrender. When this powerful magnet is requested to act on your behalf it lifts the ring with a great force, breaking the upper stopper and ring goes straight to the magnet.
Surrender in a loose term is known by you as going to the place of worship and pray. Yes, this is the first step in surrender. Nevertheless, complete surrender is for more powerful and soothing then this. When you close your eyes in front of your God you feel completely under his control. You have prudentially no power even to breath or stand. You feel all power are vested in him and he give some of his power to you. You cease to be a doer of your job.
How do you know you have a casual visit to the temple or a total surrender. Following are sme of the criteria which defines your surrender.
1) In total surrender, you loose your identity. You are no more you, a boss, a husband, a wife, a student and so on.
2) No thought other then seeing his mighty power and his illuminated face occurs to you.
3) You find yourself completely safe in front of him and that you feel his omnipotent power and also know that he is full of compassion.
4) You feel that he is capable of solving your problem in seconds and single handedly and that he is so kind that he will do it for you,or at least so you the way out.
5) Your request is so humble that your eyes get wet or even you cry profusely the moment you stand in front of him with closed eyes and folded hands.
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Please do not think that how a strong man like me can ever cry? This is the purification process. Such total surrender will come only after full faith and repeated attempts.
Surrender should not be misunderstood with cowardice. A coward cannot be a devottee. Please try to understand the difference between other feelings like respect, trust, obey. The only other equivalent feeling is unconditional love.
Thogh god has no shape and size or color total surrender may require some of these attributes. Unless our mind can not specify certain thing it can not perceive it. So you may need a color and texture of God, Allah, or Jesus.
However you need to know the difference between surrender and worthlessness. Both are not the same. Worthlessness gives you unbearable emotional pain whereas surrender gives you bliss. Surrender is is a top ranked human emotion like pure love and devotion. It is like trance and is pure and all cleansing emotion.
Surrender – resurrender, it is your panacea.
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Surrender… resurrender… a panacea
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Chapter 13
Know the physical symptoms…… keep away
By now you have noticed that, a mood swings brings along with it physical symptoms. Never think that, a bad mood is just a bad mood. In fact, stress itself is designed by nature to bring bodily changes in human being. A moderate stress induces energy and concentration in you. However if it exceed and does not fade away in couple of days, it may drain your energy.
When a Stone Age man face an animal, say a tiger, what was required for him, was instant energy. A surge of glucose in blood, sharp eyes and ears, tight muscles, ready to run or fright; these are the symptom of moderate stress level. This is known as ‘fright or freight’ syndrome. Nevertheless, if you face stress looking at your boss, you can neither fright nor runaway. Thus, the stress increases in you body making you week. It is like putting your security guards on high alert 24 hrs a day, 365 days a year and years together. Imagine, what a great tall it can take.
Everyone develops his own physical symptoms. Tight mussels, headache, body ache, loss of appetite, insomnia high blood pressure, ulcers etc. are the general symptoms of high stress lever. However, these are some immediate indication which you must learn before these symptoms go out of control.
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You have your own set of feelings when a certain issue occurs like initial emotion of anxiety and strong anger which persists over after half an hour, which keep on increasing the more you think over it. Such triggers are very small, comparatively, but those will make you un easy for the complete day.
Supporting you has become sensitive after the death of your close relative in an accident. Now while traveling, if you happen to see an accident on road side, you immediately remember the incidence in which you have lost your close relative.
After a white if you can put aside the thought and emotion and proceed further. Everything is fine. However, if such emotions persist, you immediately get the physical symptoms of your stress; you feel uneasy, sad and start feeling headache within first half an hour. Know it for some that, this is your trigger and it has triggered the physical symptoms. Just be aware of your trigger and keep away for the time being from them till you desensitize yourself to such triggers.
When a single thought disturbs you day in and out, when it is the first and last thought of the day and when it again comes in middle of night as you loose the sleep, know it for sure that this is a clear symptoms of depression. Don’t panic, get courage and visit your family doctor, wo in turn will direct you to a psychiatrist.
When you visit your family doctor don’t give vague symptoms like loss of energy, loss of appetite etc. the main symptom is loss of sleep in early hours and pondering over the same issue, thought again and again. Know it for sure that there is no fault of yourself and that; you can forgive yourself for any of your fault.
Know the physical symptoms…….keep away
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Know your symptoms early, consult doctor and keep faith.
The main idea is to understand your triggers the on set of physical symptom and art of keeping away from it before they explode and blow you mood apart.
Be aware of such physical symptoms and keep away.
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Chapter 14
Develop gratitude…. Pray
My fist intense experience with gratitude came a couple of years ago. A teenager boy in my neighborhood, after giving his secondary school examination went for a picnic at sea shore. Next message received was all four friends had been drawned at sea coast. I had attended the funeral and last rights. I still remember vividly the moment when the body was let in to the heated electrical crematorium. The flame was so hot that the body, hair clothes caught fire before it entered completely inside, as if it was waiting for the boy to arrive in.
This moment has led me to a series of question throughout thought the day. What is life? What is an end of life? What we shall strive to achieve before this inevitable end? Are king of kings exempted from death? Why not? There was no end to such questions. The beauty of these questions was, answers were known. In fact, ever body knows the answer; however, it was the first day when I felt the difference between knowing the answer and feeling the answer.
Why not than live happily to day? What makes me unhappy, any way? A thought? Some fear? Scarcity? an ill health? What? Why do we get irritated with behavior of others? Do we want to behave them in a certain way? Why? Why I can not accept low grades in school results of my some? Is my love conditional?
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Answer to all such question is true gratitude towards God. Thank God for what he has given today. Work or better tomorrow, but do not get unhappy with your today.
Do one thing from today. Keep a note book and write at least five good things God have given you so far. Never mind you repeat the same. Write down each day five good things in your life.
This could be your last chance to know Gratitude.
Develop gratitude.
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Chapter 15
Attach positive feeling to each negative one
By now you are unaware of the trigger, that bothers you off and on. It is quite evident that, you cannot escape negative feelings when a trigger is hit upon by you or by any one else, or even by the circumstances. Thinking that you have no strong will power to control the emotion will not work. A forceful control of the trigger will play havoc with your emotional health, and ultimately you will fail in the attempt. Taking advice of any one may make you further down, as they may not understand the basics of your problem. “Think positive” “Drop you worries” are the general advice given by others which hardly works whit a trigger strikes.
Have you ever come across a well built adult who is afraid or a cockroach or a lizard? Can you find any logic in this? What makes them believe that a cockroach is dangerous or even harmful? This is his trigger which he has strengthened over the years.
What we feel is where our thought process stops and sticks. If somebody has been dishonest to me and made me suffer a huge loss, I have strong negative feeling, which gets strengthen each time I remember him. Unfortunately I remember him nearly hundred times in a day and literally brood over the issue. How am I to escape this trigger trap?
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There is a way out. Without evaluating the trigger’s logic simply know that, this is a trigger. Now connect this trigger to a positive thought or positive emotion immediately. The idea is not to stick to the negative trigger and its emotions but to move over quickly to the positive one. Remember you cannot avoid negative feeling once a trigger has been hit upon, but you can extend it to a positive feeling after diligent practice. The quicker you can switch over to a positive image more is the relief.
Take one example as mentioned above. If I have a strong negative feeling with person who has made me suffer a huge loss, what I should do. Suppose that person Mr. X is coming from the opposite side of the road and your heart beat increases. You feel strong anger and resentment to the extent the you want to beat him up then an there. What you need to do is to take a deep breath, close you eyes for a moment and remember at incidence where your spouse comes smiling from the opposite side and then walk along with you, hand in hand. Repeated attempts will slowly sooth you nerves over the issue. You will remember your smiling spouse every time you see Mr. X or even think about Mr. X.
Years before I was very sensitive to my health. A small inconvenience, a cold my make me unhappy emotionally, though there was no major physical problem. It took nearly six month to attach ‘Yogasana and heath’ feeling to these unwanted feeling.
This is the most practical method to feel comfortable amidst our turbulent feeling.
Attach positive feeling to each negative feeling quickly and repeatedly.
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Chapter 16
Observe Silence
Speaking in itself takes away lots of energy out of your body. If you are sick, you will notice that, speaking requires effort. This I am talking about simple conversation. Imagine, what will happen if you shout and yell at full throat. Besides physical energy, a lot of emotional drain is observed if you yell at some one. If you yell at loved ones it is still worse emotional drain.
Silence is one of the most potent tool that can be used very often against this energy drain. Observing silence is, though it appears, is not simple. Nevertheless, it can be developed slowly over a period of time.
At initial stage, you can start it by observing half an hour silence at your home. This will test your capacity to control your emotion and thoughts. It can slowly be increased up to there hours to six hours at a stretch.
The benefit as I have noticed are numerous firstly you are sure, you don’t have to speak, shout or yell at anybody, no matter what happens, or no matter how the situation is provocative. This in itself is a major gain in keeping silence.
Secondly, you don’t have to prove yourself right to others or you don’t have to prove others wrong for that matter. You will not be speaking ill of anybody during this period.
Thirdly, you know that, you do not have to instruct any body, you do not have to ask any body to
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do your job. Not even to your spouse or son/daughter. Hence, no question of disobeying your order comes in picture.
Fourthly, you can do your job with high concentration and creativity. Time and emotional energy thus saved can be utilized in uplifting your moods and morals.
Observe silence…. Select a day in week……… select few hours in a day.
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Chapter 17
Medication……… a boon
The other day one of my friend enquired “why our test cricket players need to see a psychiatrist as a performance enhancing measure?”
“It is a good practice to know ones stress level and take corrective measures against it” I replied half heartedly.
“But” he continued,” why then people do not see a psychiatrist that easily.”
“There are very less trained psychiatrist in India, and people doing not take this as a routine check up” I tried to convince him.
It is true that we, as society do not accept a date with a psychiatrist, forget about taking the prescribed medicine. Our brain as other body parts needs some medicine some time. It is okay to take Prescribed medicine by a recognized doctor.
In a monthly meeting of our Non Government Organization, which I used to attend, the family members complained of their relatives not taking prescribed medicine. It is quit surprising that, a diabetic patient takes insulin injection regularly often himself, a heart patient or a blood pressure patient takes his does of medicine regularly but a man if prescribed certain medicine by a psychiatrist do not take it.
It is possibly because the social stigma attached to it or a strong suppressed anger towards the medicine that makes him avoid it.
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What is the solution to such social problem?
All that has been mentioned in this little book will not work in extreme cases of mood swing also known as clinical depression. when it is quit necessary to opt for additional support of medicine. After a certain level of understanding is achieved any body can pick up various methods mentioned herein.
One of the lady clients was first assured that, she need not take medicine. She was advised to keep the medicine it the mandir inside her house. What she has to do is to pray the God by lighting Diya, candle light once in a day. While doing so, and while praying the suppressed anger towards the medicine was greatly reduced. A prayer and anger both can not occur at time. Though this is not a proven technique it has worked in some cases.
The main idea here is to reduce the anger and rejection attitude in a client with move serene emotions with the help of gratitude towards god and surrender to God. One of the clients has given the medicine the label of ‘Dhanvantari – God of medicine from whom he used to get ‘Amrit’ (nector) when he prayed with folded hands & wet eyes.
It is amazing! How one can change the hatred in to worship.
Few of the clients are worried abut the side effects of medicine. Let first the effect be noticed forget about side effects, if any. Are we worried about staying in metropolis city like Mumabi? How may side (bad) effects it has on us? Are we worried about doing our morning walk in polluted city like Mumbai? Why? We ware more concerned about the effect which is more than ninety percent – and not the side effect which is hardly five percent to ten percent.
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Know that, in certain cases, medication is a boon….. and absolute necessity. I shall give general guide line for you and family members regarding the time when one should seek professional help.
1. Loss of sleep
2. Loss of appetite
3. Loss of libido
4. Loss of interest and enthusiasm
5. Pondering over same issues, often thousand times in a day.
6. Social withdrawal
7. Loss of concentration
8. Feeling of emptiness and worthlessness
9. Feeling of excessive guilt of self pity
10.Reckless thought………. Including that of suicide.
If these symptoms persist for more than two three days it is clear indication of you requiring a professional help including medicine.
Family members are also advised to note these Symptoms & act immediately.
When these symptoms do not allow you to perform your day to day routine work, act instantly. It is high time. In such of incapacitated patients, this book is not useful at this stage.
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Medication………….. a boon
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Chapter 18
Listen……… just listen
“Listen to what others say” is a general advice given to everyone. However, what I suggest here is not just listening to other persons views. Yes, it is a good habit to listen carefully before you speak out. But, we are concerned here to rectify your wayward moods.
I think, by now, you must have understood the idea of surrender. The words of wisdom spoken by GURU the name of lord taken by GURU are some of the words you must listen carefully and repeatedly. The beauty of repeated listing is that, it slowly seeps in to your subconscious mind. If you have surrendered to you GURU or the god whole heartedly , you will take all his ward with unshakable faith. The stronger the faith and more the repetition, the stronger is the base in you subconscious mind.
I have a habit of listening saint Kabir and swami Ram Das, repeatedly, during the morning walk and Yogasan. This has made such a strong base that, whenever I loose my center, I remember a word or two of advice ringing to my year and straight in the my mind amending my faulty thinking process. Among all MANACHE SHLOK (an advise to mind) by swami Ramdas is a concept version of all psychology, psychotherapy and concealing available to modern science and social science put together. I have never come across or even dreamt of coming across such a beautiful gem of advice. It shows an emotional
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struggle of a young boy of thirteen who left his house and stayed in Jungle who hit his bottom in an early age and came out as triumphant saint of all ages, in later past of his life.
Kabir, as used is an infinite source of wisdom and bliss for me, any time I listen bowing down which bowing hand and wet eyes. This is the first part of listening.
The second part of the listening is to listen sitting quietly and closing your eyes. Listen the various sounds all-around you, while your eyes are closed. Find out which one is the farthest sound and which one is the nearest sound reaching you. Then track a single sound – say an auto rickshaw – till fades away. The idea is just to listen without relating and without any emotional impact. This technique if you practice for five minutes a day. It will make you cool against any irritating sound.
Learn to listen – repeatedly
Learn to listen – selectively – without reacting.
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Chapter 19
Go picnic
Every body needs a change. There is no exception to this. A break in the routine will make you stress free. This technique is generally adopted as a stress relieving technique.
However, for those who are everyday stressful and worried all the time, it is a sort of boon. It woks as an emotional tonic. If you are developing physical symptoms along with stress you need such outing the most.
All stresses come from over perception and our triggers. There are some primary events behind all stress. If your close relative have cheated on you, it could be your primary stress event. Now all things relating with that person may induce secondary and even tertiary stress triggers. A phone call of this relative may upset you, which is secondary trigger; even a simple thought of this relative may upset you which is a tertiary stress trigger. At your known place of work or home, there are so many temporary triggers which keep on making you uneasy half a dozen times in the day. This is why when you leave your work place and residence for a picnic, it brings calmness immediately.
More effect will be notice if you go to picnic at unknown place with unknown person. Quite often family members also induce certain stress in term of arranging picnic providing facilities to your family members.
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This however should not be implied that roaming here and there, leaving your family member to trail back home is a good stress management technique. You have to strike a perfect because between work and picnic.
The optimum ratio of picnic with family members: with colleagues; alone is 2:1:1.
Plan and go for picnic.
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Chapter 20
Take up mantra
There was a poor Brahmin living in a small village. He was a very lazy man. He wanted a servant, who would work for him through out the day. He prayed the God and asked for such a servant. “Okay” God said, “I will give you such a powerful servant, who is very quick in his job. The only problem is he can not remain idle. If you l do not give him work, he will spoil every thing in your house and even kill you.” Brahman becomes very happy. However, within a couple of days he understood that, it isn’t easy to give this powerful servant enough work. He becomes very much worried over the issue. One wise man advised him to put a ladder in his backyard and ask the servant to climb up and down the ladder till he was asked to perform any other task. The problem of keeping these servant busy was immediately solved.
Every one has this giant servant with us our brain. It needs something to do all the time. If it is not doing any thing it may drag you down.
The secrete of keeping this grant servant busy was discovered long ago by our forefathers as engaging it in reciting the lords name several times in a day. This idea, I am afraid, will not please all of you. Some one may treat it as superstition or even waste of time. Nevertheless, it works wonders, especially if you are loosing your mood very frequently, you must try this technique.
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Some of the benefits are:
1. Reciting the lords name will not allow you to stick to any one negative thought and will not allow you to be dragged. This is because every time you recite, your attention shifts to the recitation, making your trigger and emotional drag less potent.
2. When you are sad or engrossed in negative thought pattern your Jaws become tight, your breathing quick and shallow. On the other hand, if you recite the name of lord, your jaws can not remain tight, giving a signal to the brain that everything is alright. Besides these mantras are designed in such a way that they require deep breathing and slow exhalation while reciting, making you calmer.
3. The important aspect, however, is to feel secure while you are reciting the mantra. If you have the un shakable faith in the God and his awe-some powers and faith that, he is ready to help you out, you feel secure immediately. it is exactly the way, a small child hides himself in mothers lap, when he is afraid of anything. The child is dam sure that, his mother is capable of driving away his cause of concern. The faith should be unshakable. The unmatched faith in his power will give you psychological security instantly. If you have linked his power to his name, rest assure, Gods name will work wonder for you.
The time when you are prone to mood swings should be utilized in reciting such mantras.
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A word of caution here is, the work should not suffer in doing such recitation. The monster should be directed to the ladder only when there is not sufficient work for him.
Know your time trap and recite mantra with faith.
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Take up mantra
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Chapter 21
Surrender to GURU
– the way out
This being a debatable and sensitive issue, before venturing to say anything, I would like to put a word of caution at the beginning.
By general definition, it is known that, a GURU is one who teaches us something. However, learning the method of livelihood is emoting different then learning the basic life science. A GURU teaches you the ultimate truth of life. Teachers, teaches you mathematcs, science, physics, medicine, engineering and so on. This knowledge is lodge in the upper layer of the brain. The lower layers pertain to basic science of emotion, love, faith, devotion and bliss.
Before you embark on GURU shopping please understand certain basic requirements of a GURU. Otherwise as saint Kabir says, “If GURU and his disciple are blind, they will both fell in deep, dark well together.”
Never make a GURU, who is still alive or follows his disciples who are still active and trying to capture as many as disciples as they can. The basic ideas hear is to protect you from any misguidance or cheating.
One, who you think and believe whole heartedly, has realized the God, truth or one who is far ahead in his spiritual journey is best GURU. You will never meet your GURU face to face, nor will he ask you to
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do anything. All you have is his teachings, his life, his autobiography, his poems, his literature is wisdom, his devotion his love and of course his photograph/statue with you. You have not to travel anywhere to see him nor have you to stay in his Ashram. On the contrary, he will move along with you, where ever you go, and whatever you do.. He is always with you in the farm of his idea, his love, his wisdom, his books and his literature, the moment you close your eyes and fold you hands your GURU is always in front of you, guiding you in all your different satiation.
Be cautious of GURUS, who requires some specific poojas to be performed, some many is to be donated and so on.
I have my won GURUs whom I surrender whole heartedly.
Saint Kabir for his true love, wisdom & bliss; saint Ramdas for his cent percent Surrender to lord Ram, his capacity to rise like a phoenix bird from ashes; Swami Vivekanand for his guts, will power and capacity to fight all odds; Mahatama Gandhi for his unshakable faith in truth and Ahimsa. After his life time
Experiments with truth he has discovered that, “Truth is God” is more correct ………. then “God is truth.”
Again the key for complete surrender lies in repetition. The more you read, listen to what your GURU said, the more peace you will find. It is repeated reading, listening and surrender that will bring profound change in your attitude towards any event of your life.
Do some spade work so tat your GURU may take charge of your emotions.
Surrender to GURU – the way out
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Find out your GURU and surrender whole heartedly.
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Chapter 22
Practice a time for worry
“Life is a sum total of how you feel right now.” You may say this idea is not suitable for you. “I am already anxious and worried right now. How this strategy is useful for me.” Believe me this is one of the most simple way to post-pone worries and anxiety that you are facing almost al the time.
Generally you have a tendency to get yourself trapped in your vicious circle of anxiety and negative thoughts. This idea is to keep a card in your pocket and write down the problem that is bothering you right now. Your have to fix a time in day when you will resolve the problems written on your cards. Select a time in the day, when you generally feel comfortable.
Allot a time of, say fifteen minutes in a day to resolve all such problem that you have written on your care throughout the day. You are allowed to find solution to these problems, to be anxious, worried or even depressed during these fifteen minutes. As soon as the time is over you have to tear out the paper /card.
What this technique basically teaches you is, to postpone your bad mood for the time being. Your brain responds when it is confirmed that, the issue will be resolved later in the day. When you take out the card, What actually happens is you feel you are not bothered
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about the issue any more. It was the time and situation that make you think in that.way You may feel that the issues are not that important and it is not necessary to brood over such trial issues. May be that was ‘time trap’ which made you thin the other way.
Two things to be observed here such as time selection should be such that, you generally feel good during those fifteen minutes secondly selected time should not be more then fifteen minutes.
This does not necessary means all that you feel at certin time is useless. Some of the issues may require immediate attention.
Take two examples:
1. Preparing a project report on dead line –say by today evening. This requires immediate attention in the morning; you can not postpone it till evening.
2. Fear of preparing a preyed project day after tomorrow. This is a feeling of fear and needs to be postponed.
Understand the difference and allow some time for worry.loosing your mood very frequently, you must try this technique.
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Chapter 23
Desensitize yourself ……… your shield
Sensitivity as we all know is a tendency of a person towards specific condition physical or emotional. Those who are allergic to various things know very well that, how dust particles, perfume, bed mites, or smoke make them sneeze, running nose and sour throat. An emotional sensitivity is also like physical allergy, which triggers on slightest provocation, making you sad, unhappy and lumpy.
“You must have will power” “Think positive.” “Don’t give up”. “Thoughts are powerful tools” and all such positive sentences do not withstand the emotional storm. The basic psychology of ‘fight or flight’ is generally behind your such experiences when you feel your life is in danger or your psychological identity is threatened, nothing withstand against it. Your all power is useless in case of ‘dust allergy’, likewise your will power is useless in such emotional drag . this is termed as emotional sensitivity.
You get sensitized to cetin issue after a major set back or emotional pin, slowly this sensitivity spreads in other field also. Ultimately a slight hint or provocation may drag you to original event of pain.
A simple example will make this clear. Suppose you have lost you close relative in a car accident, while you were driving. You have escaped with some
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injuries while your relative succumbed to the injuries. Your are in extreme pain and feel extreme guilt and sorrow. This is the main event. Now when you cross the same road you get a pinch of sadness and sudden feeling of sorrow. This is secondary event. Till this stage, there is no problem however if you link up main event with every news of accident, every picture showing accident, every similar car model, every talk of accident & demise, then you are sensitized to the event. Ultimately this sensitivity becomes you trigger. Simply by flush of a thought, with in seconds, you feel emotion pain of original event.
Now probably, you have no control over the trigger. It is like a powerful magnet which attracts you, without you knowing it.
The solution to such sensitivity is to desensitize your self. The first and foremost thing is to understand that, you are being dragged in to it by your emotions. The picture which you are reading is not correct. Once you become aware of it, you stop reacting to it. You must turn your self to believe that, though these emotions are not in my control right now, it will pass. It is the faulty software programme which you have installed on your computer brain and which you are running frequently”. You should be aware that, though you feel extreme sadness, it is not real. It is like lying down on the earth when a strong cyclone is passing on your head.
However the second stage is more complicated, after the storm has passed, you need to stand up and analyze the situation and prepare in such a way that the next storm will be less intense and with lesser frequency. There are various ways of doing this like.
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A) Know your trigger.
B) Know the specific time.
C) Rewise your brain.
D) Use logic.
E) Surrender to almighty.
A) Know your trigger:
A trigger is a small event, incident, that leads you to the original set back event. In our example all news of an accident (auditory) all picture of accident (visual) and all thought of accident (kinesthetic) that leads you to main event, are triggers.
Once you are aware of the trigger and that if you know you have struck a trigger you are less bothered about the emotion that invade you soon after the trigger.
You will not react panicky as if the main event has occurred again. “just lie there and pray” is the key word for you once you have hit the trigger.
Don’t even try to fright the trigger with your strong will power. The idea of ‘taking bull by its horns’ does not wok here. For this to happen the bull should be external. When you fright internal bulls ‘awareness & surrender’ is the most important key. This bull can not be won by freighting. It has to be tainted slowly. Every person has his won major events and subsequent trigger. Find out you own trigger & be aware of it.
B) Know the specific time:
These are some period in a day when you fed low. Without specified reason. That leads you to some mood swings. In all probability it should be either mornings or evenings. Once you are aware that, it is the time which is main culprit in your mood swings,
Desensitize yourself ……… your shield
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keep cool for that time. Remind again and again to yourself that, you have to pass this period smoothly, no matter what happens.
Keep cards to remind yourself again and again.
C) Rewire your brain:
This technique works on basic working principle of brain operation. If we can relate any bad event to a good joyous vent immediately, the intensity of bad event reduces dramatically. Once you have hit upon the trigger, your mood solely depends on whether you stick to it or move further. If your thought is stuck to the trigger, you feel bad. What you should do is to attach a positive thought; a passive emotion to your trigger immediately after it has been provoked.
In our example, if you can relate the major event car accident to any good event, you can reduce the intensity of you trigger. If you can remember any event, where in you were joyful confident & blissful, immediately after the trigger it will work wonder for you. If you have lot of fun with your family members, in the same car few years back, you can remember the same immediately after the trigger. The more vivid the new picture, the more relief you will get. The key lies in switching over to new picture instantly. The speed is deciding criteria over have. After frequent shah operations you will automatically reach to new picture as soon as you hit the trigger. Thus, the effect of trigger will ultimately be nullified. Thus your brain will ultimately rewire to the modified pattern of thinking.
D) Use Logic:
Once you are aware of your triggers and you have started rewiring the brain, half the battle is won.
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After the storm is over take a pen and paper and start analyzing the situation logically. Remember this logic will not work immediately after you hit the trigger. Ask some penetrating questions to yourself and write down the probable answer logically.
Say, for instance in our case, you may ask
1. What are the chances of such accident happening with you, again? One in hundred? One in thousand? Ten thousand? Convince your self that for chance less than the in hundred you should not bother.
2. Do you have any control over what has already happened?
3. What is the lesson you should learn from the incidence like – drive car carefully – enjoy the life as it is too small – love all as if today is the last day.
Such logical sequence will make you feel cool.
E) Surrender:
This is the one thing, which can pull you out of trigger single handedly. Know it for sure, that you need help when you are being dragged by your emotions. Faith in almighty and asking his help will instantly make you cool. Surrender whole hardy. He alone can pull you out of the trap instantly. Surrender should be so intense that, your eyes will get wet, or even it could be a profuse cry of help.
Take it from me that, such an emotional, intense surrender with wipe out your triggers damaging effect. Next time the trigger will not be so intense, if you have surrender whole heartily.
Desensitize yourself ……… your shield
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The basic requirement of such surrender are unshakable faith in almighty (give it any name), intense wish to come out of the trigger, and strong belief that almighty is full of compassion. The only way to such surrender is repeated attempt with full faith.
Years ago, I was very sensitive to my health. Slightest art discomfort will make me more unhappy emotionally than physically. Once I could analyze the ‘trigger, the rest was just a matter of time. A complete surrender meant all my body, mind, thought & emotion are by the grace of God. It is up to him to give or take, and this gave immense peace of mind. Even negative thought and bad moods are not mine, then what am I trying to withhold?
One of the way of surrendering bad moods and negatives to almighty is to visualize your self taking off all the thoughts & moods from your head – like a motorcycle rider take off his helmet – and put it to his (almighty) feet, requesting him to rectify it – if he washes.
If you follow such practice, slowly the sensitivity to certain issues will reduce and you can fed comfortable immediately after you hit upon your trigger.
Desensitize yourself…….. Make it your shield.
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Chapter 24
Lean towards Spirituality
A permanent solution to your mood swing problem lies in learning and learning towards spiritually. This term is grossly misunderstood in the society. One who is old, sick, retired and not worthy to do anything is fit for spirituality. This is the general understanding among most of the people. We do not agree that spirituality is more of use to working class and young people than old and sick. Swami Vivekanand said “if you want to understand the teachings of mighty Krishan in Bhagavad Gita. You better play football and make your body strong.”
Before knowing what spirituality is, we must first understand “what it is not.” Spirituality has such an infinite depth and width, that perhaps nobody would say I have understood it properly. And those who have understood it, will not speek out. It is like a boy who sitting on a sea shore, taking some water on its index finger say. “I have water of ocean in my hand.’ It is like a worm, who is inside a pottato, lying in a store room of huge ship, on high seas says’ I have fathomed the depth of the ocean.”
1. Spirituality is not cowardice:
A Gujarati saint poet Narishmah Mehta says, “Spirituality is like walking barefoot on the edge of
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a sward. It is not for cowards.” Those who are weak, suspicious and lacking of confidence can not move a single step on this path. So, if you believe that the way of spirituality is not for you, because you are not weak because you are not superstitious, then you are under wrong impression.
Spirituality requires highest degree of courage. It asks you to renounce and detach from everything, including your body.
2. Spirituality is not indifference:
“I do not bother anything about my family and relatives, become it is all Maya” such statement though appears to be spiritual, is not at all spirituality. There is wide difference between indifference and true spirituality. Indifference is not detachment. Indifference, basically ignores others and their feelings, where as detachment in one that performs his duty whole heartedly and then leave everything to the God. A detached person is not concerned with the outcome of his action, but he is very much concerned about his action. He is very much aware of his duties and work. Leaving all alloted work in not spirituality.
3. Spirituality is not inaction:
“Leaving all the work & job on hand and proceeding to Himalayas is not spirtuality, because your can not remain without action for a moment. The best idea is to do all duties and jobs diligently and ethically and leave rest to almighty.
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4. Spirituality is not fame:
Money and fame are both attached to modern GURU. One might believe that, spirituality is a life like a famous modern GURU. However, the fact of the matter is extremely simple person can be highly spiritual. Though money is not required for a spiritual life, money is not a hindrance in it, provided you are not money and let the money is after you. Money is a good servant as long as it is in your pocket but it is bad master when it enters your mind.
Now, let us see how spirituality can help you soothe you highly strained nerves. It is already proved that those who regularly visit Church, Mandir, Mosque, Temple Gurrudwara are less prone to high degree of stresses and stress related physical ailments.
Let us see how it works…………….
(a) Surrender banishes anxiety & fear: when you surrender whole heartedly, you drop all your performance anxieties. Knowingly well that, a diligent effort is only thing that you can do, rest all is left to God, you are not worried of the outcome. The psychology at work is that of a child who seeks his mothers lap. Know it for sure, that diligent work and total surrender both at a time will desolve all your problems.
(b) Gratitude make you satisfied here and now: know it for sure, that all you have been given is by the grace of God. It is his true grace that has given you all, including your body. If your are worried about your health or your mood swing, ask yourself several time. “What if I was born blind, or handicap or even retarded?
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You did not do anything to get this body, mind, intelligence and so on.
Feel satisfied with what you, have been given. This is true gratitude. However don’t misunderstand gratitude with lack of ambition. It is your ambition to feel good again that has made you read this book.
As a part of gratitude exercise, write down give things that God have given you, without asking.
(c) True love dissolve anger: Spirituality teaches you to love all because all are equal and equally blessed by the God this in itself dissolve all your anger, jealously from you. A true love can cure all psychosomatic ailments.
(d) Soul is immortal: Even if your body dies, your soul remains. It was here before this body and will remain after the end of this body. This idea – irrespective of its scientific validity – is in self quite soothing. This journey of soul is a continuous process and there is no dead end to it. May be your loved ones. Who left their bodies still exists in the form of soul. To strength this idea, Hindus invite their forefather on particular fort night and worship them and even offer them food.
How amazing the idea is to feel comfortable with the demise of you loved one. How soothing it is, in your fear of death. Not only that, the next birth will be according to your deeds in this life. So, “keep on doing good
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things and do not be afried of death.” is the main message or this idea.
The other message is you can not avoid your struggle to uplift yourself. You have to continue the fight is next birth, so it is of no use to avoid or even escape it. So no escapism is allowel in spirituality. How much wisdom is packed here for those who want to end it all or even attempt a suicide. Cool down & remember the soul immortal.
(e) All powers are vested in God: God is almighty he alone can do the job. Infect all work you see – including moving of a leaf of tree – is only his wish. For Gods sake don’t misunderstand this, as one of the grand mother story. I mean it. Literacy for moving a leaf you need wind and for wind to move you need patches of hot and cold air. This is possible only due to sun it is not an exaggeration of the fact. All power is vested in sun and in then vested in God.
Saint Kabir says,” Don’t be under wrong impression that you are doing ten Job. You are only the instrument to perform a job; rather you are the instrument, selected by him, to perform a specific job!!
Take one example,. if you take at ghee /butter from the milk, what do can you think you have produced butter? No butter was there inside the milk. You have only made some efforts to take it out. Rather, you have been selected to do the job of separating at butter from the milk. If you only could do it, try taking out butte from water.
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So relax, make diligent effort and leave rest to him.
(f) Life fragile: Where will you be from ten years hence, twenty years ………thirty years hence? Your life span is indefinite. It can end tomorrow or may be after twenty years. The basic idea is to live happily, lovingly and helping others. This idea, in spirituality, will take of immense load from your head abut your health or disease and your future insecurity. The best way you can spent your life is joyful at this moment. Not loosing equanimity in any condition is the main idea of spirituality.
Everybody knows that. The life is fragile, but nobody understand it . I would like you to feel this.
A ward of caution here. Don’t live your life extravagantly hysterically and in a state of frenzy as if you have to taste and enjoy all that is available around you to day only. Also please do not get disturbed thinking you may die tomorrow also.
Thank God ! you are alive today, be happy today.
(g) Results are not in your hand: This is the basic theme of Shrimad Bhagwad Gita. You have choice of working diligently and not to select to result of your action. It is all up to almighty to give – make you wait indefinitely – or not to give the fruits of you action at all.
This idea is grossly misunderstood e.g. why a student should study hard if he has no paver
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to choose the results. Why a businessman should plan his business expansion if he has now power to select the results. Does these men one should not plan at all or always attempt half heartily. No, not at all.
The basic idea is to start your work with full force complete planning and diligent work, but after you complete the work leave the results to God or in other words accept the results. This idea is hard to digest in the competitive world, but it is worth tying. Sometimes you have to accept the results of someone else’s mis deeds. Thinking, why such things should happen to me? Or what wrong I have done? Why good people have to suffer? All questions will not help you. Just accept as it comes.
People with mood swings generally don’t accept their bad moods, their health, the situation, the job, the spouse, the behavior of their children etc.
Accept, just accept. When you accept the situation you stop fighting with yourself and start finding the way out.
A few words of caution, accepting a situation or a result does not men staying there life long. The first step is acceptance, second step is awareness, third step is surrender to almighty and forth step is fright back, and fifth step is slowly moving towards the goal. Remember in all probably you may have to modify or reconsider your goal and priorities once you have a set back. The acceptance, surrender and moving forward in itself is a GOAL. Learn and lean towards, spirituality.
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Chapter 25
Read good books
Your personality depends on what you read. This statement is correct in its true sense. Time and again you will be advised to read good books. You will be amazed at how for good books can help you cope up with your mood swings. Religious books and self help books can help a lot to counter your bad moods. Autobiography of a great person, life long struggle, coming out of adversity, strong will power, steadfastness hen to truth, integrity at the cost of life, you name it, all is available in true characters of history . Find out for yourself and read … keep reading.
The idea here is not to kill the time or diverting your mind to some where else. It is a slow and steady route to up lifting your life… without fail.
Imagine water – earthen candle- fitter having two compartments. The bottom one from where you draw the water, the upper one where you pour in the water. With years of purring in polluted water, you get muddy water even after the filter. You have no access to the bottom compartment directly the only choice left with you is to pour clean water from top so that after some time you will get clear water from bottom compartment. Like wise, your sub-consciences mind is the bottom compartment and your conscious mind is the upper compartment of the footer. If you want to change the quality of you thought coming out of your subcouncion mind you have to feed good thoughts in
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to your waking mind consciences mind, continuously.
This technique is very slow but it will surely lead you to good thoughts and calm approaches towards the situation. Know it for sere that, this is not just one idea to be used to acquire knowledge. True wisdom will follow after prolong reading of good books.
A list of good books is given here in table. This is, by no means an exhaustive list, but is good to start with good reading when accompanied by good audio cassette the effect will multiply. Your brain takes in data from various sources. Main data entry is through eyes & ears. If you feed continuously good data, positive all the time data, then your brain will ultimately respond to suit it.
Habitual bad mood can also be neutralized by constant feeding of good thoughts from such books. It may be possible that you do not believe in what has been said in the book at the first stoke. Make it a habit of reading at least one hour such good books every day. Keep a book continually with you. Where ever you find some time –while waiting or traveling- you can start reading.
More effect will be noticed if you choose a model personality, a leader, a Guru, whom you admire, to whom you can surrender, and read all about him or all the books written by him.
These are ‘n’ number of good books available in the market. A list of few of them is mentioned at Annexure I of here.
A word of caution is here is to avoid all books pertaining to horror, disease black magic, tragedies, or even simple novels.
I assure you, that by the time you read all these books, your view point, your thought process, you
Read good books
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mood swing and even you clinical depression will vanish. Never the less, those advised to take medicine should continue with it.
Start reading from today.
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Chapter 26
Help others
When you are gloomy and worried about yourself, your future, your family, your health, your financial status, your career problem, your vision is completely blocked. It is like a big hillock is standing between you and your true vision. In such circumstances you have two options, either to more the hillock or get yourself away form it. The later is easy to perform. So shift your attention for the time being to some one else and come round the hillock to your destination. This does not mean, however, that, planning your future career, health and financial independence is bad in any way. There is however, a difference between planning and brooding. When you truly plan you future four aspects are essentially involved in it.
(a) You are happy with your present status. However you wants to reach the higher goals.
(b) You are optimistic of you future goal and visualize vividly the outcome as positive.
(c) Your are confident of your plan and for that matter your capacity to execute it.
(d) You are ready, in case it happens so, to take the failure in your stride and move ahead. This failure may take you below the status from where you have started. It may also give you some permanent losses.
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If these are the ingredients of your planning there is no problem at all. However, the other side of it is exactly opposite. You are unhappy today, desperate to get something or avoid something, anxious and not confident. If this is the way you are planning your future then STOP.
STOP for sometime and drop your future altogether. Help others to elevate their present status. Their present is more worse than your future.
Help others means helping a needy person in any manner. Spending time, giving same money and physical energy for others may even lift your present bad moods. However, please don’t do it for the sake of it or for earning the name and fame. No major work or huge amount is required here. And empathetic listining to a frustrated teenager anger boy is enough, without giving him any advice.
It is not known, how helping others actually lift your level of well being.
There are tow reasons for the same.
If you are spiritual, helping others will give you satisfaction, you may feel yur worth. You may find a purpose and direction or your life. There all aspects will ultimately make you feel good.
On the other hand, if you are egoistic, you need to feed your ego daily. Ego is like a monster which requires regular feeding. By helping others you inadvertently believe that you have done something for others and that you are an inch above others, or at least you are not lower then the lowest. There are hundred thousand people below your slandered. This idea of feeding the ego through helping others is still a debatable issue. Nevertheless this surety work for all person alike.
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More appropriate reason, as I feel, is the feeling of worth. Someone in the word is there, who need you help. This necessarily implies that, you are not worthless. A clinical depression sets in with a strong feeling of worthlessness, uselessness, extreme self pity. Extreme self guilt and a feeling of pitch dark future. Please know it for sure; there are pure feeling, your temporary perception of the world and your future. It has nothing to do with correctness or logical reasoning. Once you know this and start helping others your mood starts lifting automatically. This habit of helping others will stop you worthlessness and even prevent you from taking extreme step of harming yourself.
So, ……………… start helping others.
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Chapter 27
Moment to moment attention
One of the ways to control emotional outburst either anger, sorrow, gloominess, worry, anxiety is to switch on logical part of the brain. Though it is not possible to, go logical when anxiety attacks you in full force. Nevertheless, after first surrender and faith you can switch on your logical part of the brain to tone down the effect of emotional storm.
Generally you will not be able to think anything logical under these circumstances. But there are some interesting ways to slowly introduce logic. If you have to engage or if you can engage your attention every moment to something the emotional intensity will slowly fade away. The emotions gets stronger and stronger of you sit idle and brood or sit on an armchair doing nothing. This does not mean relaxing on an armchair brings bad moods but if you already have bad moods it is better to get going than sitting idle.
Be aware and know it for sure, that you need to change the focus of your thought immediately.
Following things are recommended immediately after the attack of emotional storm – of course after you become aware and after you surrender you almighty.
1. Take up a walkman/ MP-3 Player and go for a long walk. (Not long drive).
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2. Play out door game with your son/pet.
3. Take up a table tennis ball and racket and throw up the ball not allowing it to fall for ten minutes.
4. Take up any three digit number say 874 & count speedily backward 873… 872…. 871…. Till you reach number one. The idea here is not allowing your automatic counting response to take over. When you count backward you have to have your attention their every time, making your logic work.
5. There is one special pranayam that can work for you. Take deep breath and say ‘SO’ without making any external noise. Pause for a second and then exhale while exhaling say “hmmmm……’ again without making any external noise. ‘SO’ ‘hummm…..’ ‘soham’ . Irrespective of its spiritual benefit what is does is divert your attention to your breath moment to moment. This will ultimately reduce the impact of immaterial storm.
6. Recite you mantra. However, please make it sure that, you write the first word of the mantra in air (imagine) whenever you complete one mantra and start the another. This will also make you aware of it every moment and take your attention away from your emotions.
7. Play a video game where you have to defend yourself every moment.
8. Go to your close friend and talk about how you feel.
Moment to moment attention
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9. Write down a diary or letter about how you feel. Be sure you finish the note with positive words.
10. The most effective way is to surrender to your GURU, whole heartedly. Surrender everything that you possess, including your body, your thoughts and your emotions. It is he and only he who could amend your emotions, if your say those emotion are from him only. This idea was taught to one by two ladies from village. One was crying profusely and the other was advising, “look, whenever, it goes beyond your certool leave it all to God. Let him amend, it he wants. Let him not if he doesn’t wish it be amended.
Engage you’re self in moment to moment attention.
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Chapter 28
Don’t Compare
It is a general tendency of a person to compare himself with the person facing him. The psychology was perhaps acquired from the ancient times of stone age when man wandered in Jungles. Whenever he faced any creature or another man he used to evaluate his potential with the other creature. In case of a dual fright this was very much necessary. Perhaps the only tool of survival was this compression and than to decide about fighting or running away form the scene.
This psychology still persists. These is, probably, no need to evaluate the opposing person when you simply face him – forget about a pout of boxing. If you are too stressed and anxious you switch in the defensive mode and try to compare each and ever person with yourself. And ultimately drag yourself down emotionally.
Some people, however, do it so rigorously that, they immediately feel superior or inferior to the opposing person. If you happen to be a person who have tendency to evaluate yourself below the opposing person, you will immediately feel a negative surge. In some people, it is however, so strong that they feel that is a question of life and death to face another person. What is shyness by the way? A person who constantly feels inferior to other is termed as a shy person. However, a soft spoken person is not necessarily a shy person, on the contrary he may be quite confident.
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Facing a group or public speaking makes at list 99% person feel uneasy.
How do you interpret when you are on dais facing a group of people. It is evaluated as if a man-in jungle facing a group of hunter dogs in front of him. The only way is to run away and this psychology does not allow you to speak in public despite you are fully prepared to deliver the topic/presentation.
Jealousy is also a part of such comparison. If you find some one better than you in any field, you are unhappy, because you could not reach there.
Whenever you found yourself comparing yourself with some one else and feeling inferior or superior, say ‘stop’ to your self. Every time you catch yourself companying yourself with others ask certain question to yourself. If required, write down the answer to each question.
1. Are not me both sons of God, the almighty?
2. Am I not good enough in any field?
3. Is it not that, every one has been delighted serpent jobs?
4. Is it like asking my eyes to take-up the job of ears and my ears to take-up the job of my eyes?
5. Am I ready to exchange all that I have job, wealth- family- health – wealth – intelligence with the opposing person? Why their compare?
You are only one and hence you can not be compared with anyone in any field.
If you analyze these questions honestly you can find out that you and anyone else is not comparable. It
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is like comparing two separate quantities – say volume and velocity- in science. So you are neither superior nor inferior to any one else. The ancient criteria of survival are no more applicable now. You need not fight or runway from the situation any more, and hence you need not compare.
It is quit likely that, a person who feels mood swing often is unhappy about his moods. He thinks the other person is happy and do not face such problems. Don’t be, under wrong impression. There re at least a dozen problems they are facing right now. It is quite likely that, they believe you as a happy going guy.
Don’t compare. Smile and move on.
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Chapter 29
Act as if………
My younger son is afraid of entering in a dark room alone, unless there is light or some one accompanying him he will not enter in to the room. The other day he said, “Papa I am selected to act in drama” Alexander the Great and I want to rehearse my dialogues in front of you”. After a few minutes he missed one line and required his notebook, where in the dialogues were written. “Go, get it” I said, he went in the room and get his notebook.
“How come you are not afraid, while fetching this note book.” I asked.
“Well,” he replied “you know, I am Alexander the Great, right now.”
I liked this idea so much that. I started using it for my own practice to preserve bliss all through the day.
Acting as if you were so and so…….. Or acting as if you are in your best form, acting as if you are on top of the world, all these will relieve your pain immediately. What you do here is deny your routine negative thought, any entry in to our brain by saying” “I am different.” Acting as if you are a child and have profound joy and bliss will shift your focus from the existing problems. Knowing well, your are only acting and that, you can get back to your stress and bad moods as and when they resurface will give you free access to true bliss.
It is however, to be noted here that, acting as if
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should not be harmful to anybody else, or it should not violate general law of land and ethic. Acting as if you are king of kings does not mean, you can kick any body walking on the road. It is used only to control and tame your inner monster and not for any other purpose.
Start with only fifteen minutes “Acting as if…….” Session and you can increase up to one hour a day. A ward of caution has……” Acting as if…….” Does not mean you have to drop all work that you are supposed to do as per your duties and only act. Believe and feel intensely “As if……..” and do your duties as usual.
Act now, act as if……………
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Chapter 30
Do pranayams
– Deep breathing
In a laymen’s term prannayam is a process of deep breathing.
Time and again I have noticed that, whenever I feel stressed my breathing pattern is not normal. The breathing becomes shallow and rapid. I am not aware of the breathing. My jaws are tight and my first is clinched.
There are two types of nerves in our body. One takes order from brains to various muscles i.e. sympathetic and other one which return message from muscles to the brain i.e. parasympathetic nerve. We do not have full control on sympathetic nerves; however we can manipulate parasympathetic nerves.
When you become tense your breathing pattern is first to be afeected. It become shallow and rapid. This deprives you of your oxygen requirement and intern make you more tense, because brain enquires maximum oxygen in our body. Thus, the sympatric nerves are activated making you tense. Now suppose, you deliberately manipulate the breathing pattern, it send the message to the brain that, everything is normal. The tension is thus eased out.
The process of taking deep breathing deliberately is known as Pranayam. It was devised by the ancient saints as a mandatory method of God realization.
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Regular practice of deep breathing can relive you of your mood swing, s, slowly but certainly.
Without going into any complicated pranayam, you can do simplest deep breathing. Sit down cross legged or on a chair get yourself comfortable and relaxed. Be aware of your breathing pattern; slowly take in air inhale through both nostrils, hold for a second (only), and exhale slowly through both nostrils. Pause for a second and start the cycle again. If you can feel coolness of the air going in and warmness of air coming out, the results will be wonderful. Do this for fore minutes only at the start and go up to 15 minutes in three months time, start deep breathing the bliss do Pranayams.
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Chapter 31
Know what you want & what you don’t want
It happens sometimes, that you are not actually aware of what do you ultimately want in life. Similarly we are often not aware about the feeling that, we want to avoid at all cost. After a lot of soul searching It dawn upon me that, each incidence that bothered me had two things in common. Either I wanted to achieve certain thing or I wanted to avoid certain thing. Either I did not want retrain event to occur at all or wanted it to occur in the way I wanted it to happen.
Some of the negative feelings I strongly avoided are Guilt and worry. What I ready wanted is bliss all time and controls over the situation.(rather a feeling of control over the issue.)
Once I found out this fact, I would than test each bothering event on this scale. If I am ready to accept all that would come but not Guilt and worry question Guilt and worry immediately disappears. If bliss and control were two things that I wanted at any cost then why bother for some issue, spoiling my bliss and feeling of control.
Find out for yourself, which feelings, you want to avoid at all cost and which feelings you would like at any cost. Draw a line and measure every event on this scale.
It is however, not as easy as it appears. It sometimes
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happens that, both these things makes your decision impossible. Supposing what you want in life is money and what you want to avoid is ‘dishonesty’. Now, if you are offered a bribe for some favors, you are in deep trouble. You can not decide between ‘money’ and ‘dishonesty’.
Know it for sure, that, feeling of fear is far stranger than feeling of joy. In such situation make choice of what you do not want at any cost. However, if I want is ‘money’ and what I do not want is ‘poverty’, I have no problem taking bribe- rather I would be glad while doing this.
It is very much necessary to decide first what you do not want at any cost and what you want at any cost. It is necessary to resolve such conflicts quickly before they spoil your mood, and make you brood over the issue day long and sometimes even days together.
Find out what you will stand for and what you will not support at any cost.
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Chapter 32
Find Purpose
‘Find purpose’ is a very wide term used in general terminology. There are three aspects of finding the purpose.
1. Find the purpose of others behavior.
2. Find the purpose of your set backs/adversity.
3. Find the purpose of your life.
i) We are generally unhappy with the behavior of our close relatives. The more closer/intimate the relationship, the more you are hurt by their slightest behavior. What you have to do is to find the purpose in the behavior rather that the method.
When I was studying in the school I used to remain very much unhappy with one of my teacher who used to give lot of home work. One day my father explained it to me that it is good for you to do more home work. You will become expert in mathematics by doing good amount of practice.
“It is like talking a bitter medicine for your health.” He continued to explain it to me.
I do not remember whether I understood this advice or not. However, if I look back at this, I am convinced that, it has made my career as an engineer. Now I could understand that, what is required to be observed is the
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purpose behind any action and not the process of doing it.
ii) When some adversity strikes, you may feel overwhelmed by this situation. The most difficult part here is to find the purpose in adversity. When I had some mood swings ten years back. I ws literally overwhelmed by it, leave aside finding the purpose. But now, as I look back, I feel it has given me immense wisdom and clear attitude towards the problems. I am in fact, proud of the fact that, I have privilege of having, having first hand experience of what I meant by ‘mood swing’. All the techniques mentioned here in this booklet are tested for months together before it reaches you. These are not the words of some books taken directly to show knowledge over the issue. It has in fact, given an idea to help others who are struggling to come out of their shell and tame the monster within.
Almost all social organizations, those who help others in crisis are outcome of some person/s efforts who has found a purpose in his own adversity. A side extension of finding such purpose may lead to purpose of life.
When we say that, purpose of life is liberation no body knows what it actually mean to be liberated. To the best of my knowledge, forgetting your own problems, helping others and while doing so to remain blissful is liberation, a true liberation.
Find the purpose at all levels.
Find the purpose in adverse condition, you are in today.
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Chapter 33
Look back and Relax
This modified version of the famous words “Sit back and relax” come to me in dramatic way.
We had our house in our village in Northern Gujarat. The house was built by our forefathers. As none of my brother or sister now stays at village we sold the house recently. While vacating the house of all Junk old materials I found a file containing some documents dating back to nineteen century. One of it is a has written note with marked date Tenth July 1888.. The stamp papers in Annas & Rupees marked with a Photo of his highness Sayajirao Gaikwad of Baroda State – Gujarat. While going through It I found several stamped documents containing writ petition on the ownership of house and adjoining piece of land.
Both the person who has claimed the ownership and one who has objected are dead years ago. The judgment by the judiciary of his highness has rejected the plea of ownership, sating the land is owned by the king, his highness Sayajirao Gaikwad.
It was amazing and deeply moving experience for me. The king and his kingdom has gone, the British rule has gone, my fore father has left long ago and now we have sold the old house. Whose house and land was it any way? On top of it, one of the document ruled that the house is the property of my fore fathers ; “as long the sun and the mom shines in the sky.” Wow! What a feeling it was! The sun and the Mom still shine
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and will continue to shine in the sky, but the owner so house and land are no more there.
Now, whenever, I get upset over and a pretty issue, especially the issue pertaining to loss, I remember this event. If required, I take out this stamped paper and smile over it & sometime laugh loudly.
“Sit back and Relax” will not wok for you if you are too sensitive to certain issue or too worried on small matters.
Nevertheless, if you leave the “look back and Relax” attitude you may find peace everywhere.
So look back….. smile…. and Relax.
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Chapter 34
You are always in the middle
A small boy in my neighborhood came to my house and said, “Uncle, I want to ask you a puzzle”
“O.K. ask” I replied without looking at him. He ran back too his house and brought several toys along with him. Later, he arranged the toys around the circular sticker on the floor, and then asked.
“Which is the first toy, uncle?”
I kept aside my newspaper, looked at him and then at toys. I found, brightness in his eyes, as if a teacher is asking a question to his student.
I could not answer this puzzle immediately.
But after a few second, I put forward a cross question “yes” I said, I can answer your puzzle, provided you identify which toy is last in the line.”
He smiled and put forward to me a philosophical statement. “Uncle, all are in the middle”
Wow! What wisdom, he taught me. Suddenly, it dawned unto me that, now matte how hard I try, there one several thousand people smarter then me, richer then me. It is equally true, no matter how bad my conditions are, as of today, there are million of people below me, who need help immediately. Wow! What a relief.
If you treat yourself as a number a positive (good) or a negative (bad), no matter what value you possess,
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the numbers are infuriate on both the side of the zero in number scale.
This strategy, however, should not be used misused as a tool to your procrastination habit. This technique is like a double edged sward, which you need to handle carefully.
Know it for sure, that your are always in the middle.
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Chapter 35
Tone down your own evaluation standards
I used to get very much upset whenever I could not answer any one question asked in my seminar on “Stress Management” at one training institute. It gave me immense bad mood when I missed one sentence. One wards or could not pronounce properly in my lecture at this seminar. One day we had a guest speaker on the topic, who spoke confidently well. After the seminar I saw this gentle man very much delighted. He came to me and said “what a nice speech I delivered”. This made me reevaluate my faulty process of evaluation.
The first question I asked myself was “what the hell, I know about stress management”? “What do I need to feel successful?”
“Is it not enough to answer twenty seven questions correctly and make mistake once !”
“Who do I think I am? a super man?”
“No way.” The answer came immediately.
Suddenly I felt that it gave enormous relief if I tone down my own evolution criteria’s.
Further while reading “My experiment with truth” by M.K.Gandhi and “letters by Swami Vivekanand”, I found that both of them could not speak at their optimum level initially.
Swami Vivekanad wrote after his famous speech of
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Chicago. “It is he, the almighty, who made me speak, and otherwise my throat was completely dry.”
It made me think. “Why I should not tone down my faulty process of biting myself again and again. It is like betting my own horse respectably without giving it any food, water or rest.
These idea applies to all those who are highly anxious, nervous and highly perfeetinalist. It will not work for those who want to escape the situation. This also does not mean you have to lower your evolution process to primary level or lowest level. There should be a good compromise between your capabilities, your goal and your temperament.
Tone down strident standards and feel relaxed.
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Chapter 36
Jungle Rules
The other day I was watching a T.V cartoon Mogli with my younger son. The leader of the jungle unit punishes one of the members for not obeying Jungle rules. Suddenly my son asked “what are jungle rules, dad”
These are the rules which uses might and which are unjustified all the time.” I replied inadvertently.
“Is it? He was not satisfied with my answer. “But here it says, no one should kill others if he is not hungry. “Is this note justified rule” he asked.
Suddenly, I released that, what I said was not totally correct. Some of the animal rules are so spiritual that, you need to adopt them.
Is it not worth adapting certain rules like?
1. Don’t kill (disturb) others if you are not hungry. i.e. do not attack others physically or verbally if it is not warranted.
2. Do not store any thing for tomorrow. i.e. do be greedy.
3. Detach yourself from your children as soon as they start flying. (As they became matured.)
4. To go to bed at sunset and to getup at sun-rise.
5. Do not enters some else’s tertiary. (Do not tress pass)
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6. Use your passion for reproduction purpose only.
7. Do not pollute surrounding and atmosphere.
8. Enjoy this moment irrespective of your life Span of few days (mesquites) or three hundred years (tortoise).
9. Never worry for your future.
10. Never bother for what others do or say.
There are ‘n’ number of rules that needs to be adopted in too, let others say you are a Junglee.
On a trial basis adopt one rule from today.
ADOPT SOME OF THE JUNGLE RULES.
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Chapter 37
Avoid over Indulgence in compassion
“Compassion” by dictionary meaning is ‘pity’. As general guide line compassion is suppose to be good for your emotional health. However, if you notice, for those who are very sensitive, get over indulged in compassion and feel low themselves.
There is a difference between helping others out of pure compassion and feeling bad for his conditions. The more your are sensitive to certain issue, the more you feel down after you face such situation. This is I termed, as overindulgence in compassion.
A lady when feel compassion after seeing a crippled beggar and gives him sere money is pure compassion. She is not emotionally attached to the sadness of the beggar. However, if the same lady when feeds/sees her crippled son in place of beggar, feels sorrow, which is not pure compassion. It is her sensitivity towards her son that makes her feel extreme sorrow before compassion. You must watch your emotions so that, it should not develop sorrow in place of true compassion. The difference in both is very fine. Understanding others emotion is true compassion, where as feeling our self others emotion is over indulgence in compassion. Draw a fine line between these two and never cross over.
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Time and again, it is noticed that, those who have suffered a set back or those who have become sensitive to certain issue, ultimately work for such issues life long. The beauty of this compassion is that it blossoms, when you work for some one you do not know.
Watch you steps, if you notice sadness taking over compassion stop then & there. Drop compassion altogether till you desensitize yourself towards the issue.
Avoid over indigence in compassion….at least for now.
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Chapter 38
Break the background Music………temporarily
“This fan makes continuous noise and irritates me” complaint my elder son one evening.
“Why?” I asked casually.
“It does not change tone and it is a continuous monotonous tone.” He replied.
“Do you like background music mixed with a song?” I asked.
“Yes, because it change the tone and it is soothing.” He tried to explain it to me.
When the tone is continuous, monotonous, unending and undesirable you are annoyed by it.
Suddenly, I realize that, how our mind often makes unnecessary, continuous chatter, which is unending. Even though you are exhausted, For some person this unbearable background music starts as soon as they get-up in the morning and keeps on chattering till late night when they sleep – if at all they sleep.
How do you break this pattern? These are few tricks which may work for you, if you try them out.
1. Walk Fast: Walking briskly is very much useful as for as physical exercise is concerned. It can also reduce your stress level by consuming some of your stress hormones. Nevertheless, there is one more use of brisk walking which you may not be aware.
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When you are engaged in a specific thought pattern (generally negative), and if you walk simultaneously your walking pace will be slow. That is because your attention is diverted when you are doing two things simultaneously. When you are doing two things simultaneously (walking & thinking – negative) your brain switchover automatically to a safe mode – default mode, i.e. slow speed walking.
Now if your break this pattern by walking briskly your thinking – background music has to stop temporally. Repeated efforts may yield a good amount of relive.
2. Smile and talk to strangers:
This is a safe way to breaking the old pattern if you smile and talk to stranger so many thing happen simultaneously.
a) Smiling reduces stress in the first step
b) Talking will make you attentive, which in tern will break your old pattern.
c) When you start talking you stop comparing yourself with stranger. This will put you to ease with any stranger.
3. Use ‘mindful observation’ technique:
This is a special way of observing all things that come across you in details. It occupies a lot of working memory to observe keenly, leaving no spare time for brooding.
Supposing if I observe a school boy going to school, what should I observe for as a mindful observation?
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How is the uniform?
Which bag is he carrying?
What shoes he is wering?
How is the colour of shirt?
Is their any belt or the which color?
Is he weary spectacles?
Is he waiting for a friend or school bus?
Is he having water bottle in his hand which hand?
How is the boy –tall, short black with curly hair?
How is the nose?
There are ‘n’ number of observtions you can make with any single object that you encounter. Observe and stop your chatter for some time. Take new routes daily when you go for a walk and observe the things.
4. Take a table tennis ball and racket. Throw the ball in the air with the racket. Now see to it that, it does not fall on the ground for next 10 minutes. You will notice that, while doing so, you need moment to moment attention to the ball, leaving no time and spare memory to brood on the same old depressing thoughts.
Break the background Music and get relief.
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Break the background Music………temporarily
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Chapter 39
Identify where the problem lies
Once a young devotee came to a saint and asked “why I am not getting God realization, even after decades of hard effort?” “Come here, to night” a plain reply come from the saint.
When the devotte came at night, there was a pitch darkness in the hut. “come in” he was instructed by the saint.
“I have lost my Tulsi necklace some where in the hut. Can you find out?” the saint asked the devotee.
“First, I will have to light up a lantern here, so that I can see” said the devotee and lighted up the lantern.
“Taking the lantern the saint immediately moved out of the hut and started searching the necklace in the wards.
“But you have lost the necklace inside the hut. Guruji you will not find it outside” without knowing anything the devotee questioned the saint.
“My son,” said Guruji “Here is the answer. “You knew that, the light (knowledge) would be required to search the necklace (bliss) in the darkness (ignorance). However, having the light of knowledge and wisdom alone is not enough. You have to search where you have lost it.”
For those, who has frequent mood swings, it is very difficult to identify where the problem lies. If you have problem all round, if you find every one else at fault, if
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you are unhappy with every one around, if each small pending work bother you, know it for sure that the problem lives within. Nothing is required to be done, outside, to improve upon the situation. This can not be solved by external change because you can not control all events and you can not change all persons around. The only thing required here is to be aware that, the problem is internal and it will go simply by acknowledging it, and surrounding to almighty and Guru.
If you get upset with someone or worried about some situation, how do you know that, this is your internal problem or a genuine problem, which require you attention and immediate action? The simple test is, to find out how do you feel in general, are you unhappy with others/ other situation equally, are you feeling angry and frustrated with yourself also, how do you feel about your future in general an optimistic view or a parasitic view. If any three of the above answer is negative, know it for sure that, the problem is internal. The idea is to know, whether you need to act right now or just prey and let the storm pass over. There are some triggers which are pressed very often, patting you in a spiral of thought that has no answers or no feasible solution what so-ever.
Take one example, suppose you are a afraid of being fired by your employer fro one reason or the other, which you do not know. These are no apparent symptoms of this event to happen. Even than, if you keep on trying to find out answer to these quires, you are inviting big trouble. If you try searching for alternate job due to fear of being fried, it is your internal problem. However, if you are already fired or you are searching a better job- teen the problem is not internal. This one is a very simple example of showing
Identify where the problem lies
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your internal and external problem. However, there are some complex life problems in which you can hardly distinguish between internal and external problem. The key is to know immediately as to whether your sleep and day to day routine works are also getting difficult day by day?
All problem pertaining to relationship split in close relative like spouse son or daughter one more complex than they appears. If you are unhappy with the behavior of your spouse, your behavior – may be equally unhappy. The problem here is not known whether internal or external. Both of them have, here, so strong internal problems that, the external problem appear absolutely correct to both. The external problem varies in direct proportion to your internal problem in such cases the problem multiplies, without you being aware of the nature.
The solution then, in such cases is TRUE LOVE, forgive and forgive and prayers surrender to God. You can not find any answer with logical debate on the relation split between you and your spouse. Once you apply love, forgiveness and surrender technique you can open up a friendly discussion with your spouse and reach to some amicable solution.
Again, for you to forgive a blunder made by your spouse what you need is to change the bad feeling immediately with good one. Remember a good time with year spouse and switch over it immediately.
To solve the problem, you need to know where it lies. If you are not able to find where the problem lies ask your spouse. If both of you are confused, ask your family friend or a family doctor or even professional cancellers.
Find where the problem lies.
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Chapter 40
Cry Frequently – unload yourself
By now, I have given you so many ideas which are not acceptable as general guide line or routine norms. Here is one more for you. This idea indicates that, crying frequently is good for your soul. Normally, if you are too stressed or have extreme mood swings crying is almost natural.
In a masculine society, no one escapecially a man is supposed to cry. This social attitude may build up internal stress, which ultimately will come out as psychosomatic disease.
Do you know why a child cries so frequently and so easily? It has no mechanism to store in the stress. They unload all external stress then and there only. In any case, if you are highly stressed a heartfelt cry will defiantly relieve you from all internal pressure.
Before you believe in this technique few things should be made clear over here.
(i). Crying should not be for some material thing ……. Or loss or it., unless it has become extreme cause f concern
(ii). Crying should not be in public places.
(iii). Crying should not be without any aim.
Your aim is calmness after it.
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Remember crying after a lost item, a lost battle, a spoiled relationship or loss or heath, will also make you peaceful. And it may reduce your stress level immediately.
What is the thing required for such useful cry
a. A solitude.
b. Complete surrender.
c. Unshakable faith in almighty.
d. Forgive and forgive ‘attitude.’
Let your heartfelt cry be a close door affair but not alone. In front of your GURU, and almighty your need to surrender whole heartedly. Keep a photograph of your GURU in front of you, tune in the words of wisdom spoken by your GURUJI, fold your hand, bow down and Let your eyes he washed. Don’t ask anything. Just surrender. He knows your fright, he is aware of your losses and problems, your drawbacks, your ill health. Let him decide his own way.
One of the stanzas of Swami Ramdas which I normaly recite while I surrender is
“O Almighty, what should I ask while standing in front of you. This melancholy does not seem to be fading away. Let my all doubts be shattered and let my all worries be melted away, this is the only thring that I ask, my lord.”
– Ramdas (Karunashtak-29)
What a way to ask !
Here is one more request.
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“O Almighty, I am unable, on my own, to stop this chatter of my mind. I can not detach myself from my kith an kin. Every moment my confidence shakes. O ocean of compassion, that is why I surrender unto you.”
– Ramdas (Karunthal-5)
Believe me, this is the only way out, when you hit upon your trigger knowingly or unknowingly.
Some time it so happen that, even after your first surrender you do not get calmness. The negatives are so strong that, they overwhelm you, while you are praying.
What should you do in such case?
Surrender the thought itself to the almighty.
Recite this one from Ramdas.
“O, Almighty, please don’t make my logic and intelligence go hay wire completely, as I surrender up to you.”
Cry frequently and in process unload your stress.
Cry Frequently – unload yourself
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Chapter 41
Put yourself in a ‘learning’ mode
“How dare you say this to me? You don’t have manners.” Shouted one of my friend to a colleague. The problem was very simple. While the friend was handling his mobile phone. This Colleague has passed a remark. “You do not know battery and connectivity status of the phone, how would you send SMS?”
Later in the day, I met my friend and tried to pacify his emotions. He was not in mood to listen to me.
“He is very arrogant and things he only knows everything” he again argued the same thing.
“OK” I explained,: he was not good in his behavior. If I say, “You do not know how to fly a helicopter, how would you react? Would you mind it?
“No, not at all. I do not know how to fly, it is OK.”
“Now,” I continued “if I say you do not know your mother tongue properly, how would you react?”
“I would, reject the statement, completely” he was confident. Suddenly he realized that, it ws easy for him if he could accept of reject the statement completely.
The problem comes when you are half hearted. You are stressful when your conscious mind says you should know it and your subconscious mind is doubtful out it.
What is the solution then?
The solution lies in the awareness that, there
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is position –in fact there are numerous positions- between knowing and not knowing. This is termed as learning mode. The only thing required here is you must have left zero percentage and not reached cent percent of any knowledge or skill. All that lie between zero and cent percent is termed as learning mode.
If you accept yourself in a learning mode, you are not worried about reaching cent percent. Once you have become aware of your mood swings you have started learning. You are not now bothered even if you loose your mood once in a while. It is a learning mode.
Be aware and put yourself in a learning mode.
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Chapter 42
Know the difference between contentment and loss of goal
One morning in hostel when it was raining and I started for a morning walk, my neighbor opening his door enquired “where are you going in the rain?”
“For my morning walk” I replied smiling later in the evening, he came and asked “tell me, when you talk of spirituality and fragileness of body, why are you hell bent on maintaining this body. So scrupulously?” “Look” I replied “Don’t mix spirituality with disoriented life and ill health” we are the trustee of this body and it is our duty to maintain it properly”
“It means you are not content” he persisted. Lot of people confuse between contentment and aimlessness. Not having any goal, hobby or anything to peruse is not spirituality. Even the devotee and yogi have their aim as ‘liberation’ and loss of goal. The key here is, to understand the difference between contentment and loss of goal.
You can feel contented even of you have lofty goals and even if you are trying hard to achieve your goal. The difference lies in the attitude of a person as of today. First you have to feel safe, secure and happy as of today then only you can proceed for the higher goal.
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So set you own goal. Make ‘bliss’ as top priority while proceeding toward the goal. All along the journey towards the goal feel safe, serene and secure. Such journey is as charming as goal it self.
Be content, yet move towards the Goal.
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Chapter 43
Expand brotherhood
……… Love all
This notion was also received while vacating our house in village, after it was sold. Along with the stamped documents dating back to 1888, I found, what is known as a ‘Family tree’. It is a big tree with trunk as my 8th generation forefather and names of successive generations spreading out as smaller branches I never knew the name of my grant grand father ,forget the eighth generation fore father.
I noticed, while careful observations, that seventy five percent population of my village community, were covered as various branches and sub-branches of this giant tree. How amazing!
Suddenly I got an idea. Suppose, if I extend the tree further down to say one thousand generations, how will a look?. Will it cover all the population of my district of say state? possibility, yes. What if I extend it to one thousand generation? Are we all not, virtually, brother in true sense? What makes us that unhappy with our brothers? What is that, we want to prove and capture from our brothers?
The other day, while traveling through Mumbai suburban train, I witnessed a hot argument between two such brothers for a seat., the seat, which will have to be vacated after half an hour. Even first class suburban train passengers quarrel over sent. The only
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difference between the arguments in second class and first class compartment is that, the former argue in Hindi while the later argue in English!
Are they not brother of a tree of the thousand years? Who knows?
Expand brotherhood – love all.
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Chapter 44
‘Hundred meters’ and ‘ten to ten’ test
This technique was gifted to me by a young boy. We were both walking across a flyover bridge. The boy was crying for a chocolate.
“Don’t cry” I said.
“Will you give me a chocolate, if I do not cry till we cross this fly over bridge?” The boy asked innocently. Suddenly, I realized that, this is a good idea.
This is a very typical method I have often used for myself. The basic idea here is to postpone the bad moods, for sometime.
A teenager boy come to a wiser man of the village “I can not stop smoking” asked the boy. “What should I do?” The wise man replied “you don’t have to stop smoking altogether. Then only thing you have to do is to wait for half an hour whenever you feel like smoking.”
“This is very simple, the boy was delighted”
“But, this is for the first weak only. The next weak you will have to wait for 45 minutes before you smoke. Each weak you will have to add 15 minutes before you smoke.”
After few weeks the boy came to the wise man “sir, I have stopped smoking, completely.”
The idea is the habits do not go immediately. If you have accustomed to habitual brooding and worrying
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for small matters, you can not stop it immediately. Your mind has to learn it slowly. Let your brain know that, it is possible, for at least come time, to postpone the worrying or brooding.
Happiness is all about your mood at this moment. If you can postpone your negative thoughts and worries for same time, happiness is right here and now. Happiness has nothing to do with past or future. Though, everyone know, it is difficult to practice this idea, especially if you have formed a negative pattern for yourself.
I use, this technique very often. Sometimes, I decide remain calm over certain issue till I walk 100 meters distance or till I reach a shopping mall. It is amazing when you ask you brain to keep quite, only for some time, it obeys the order. Your brain is assured, that, it can revert back to its original chatter after only some time. This technique is known as “100 mtr” technique. It is technique of walking only 100 mtr. Cool mindedly. If you can achieve thins stage, the next stage is “10 to 10 test”.
Take one day at a time, say “Sunday”. From 10 am Sunday to 10 am next day, you will not allow your brain to go negative. Observe this for 24 hrs only. If you catch yourself worrying / brooding over certain issue gently request your brain that, “oh, my dear friend only nine hours after left own. Why do you make such haste?” Slowly you will notice that, you can delay the anxiety for some length of time. This is what exactly required for a blissful mind. Keep a card reading “10 to 10 test” in your pocket and touch it all time, remanding yourself of your short term goal.
This strategy can then be extended for the days in a weak, three days in a week & so on. Go slow, unless
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you master 100 mtr. test don’t venture in ’10 to 10 test.’
Use this technique judiciously and not for procrastination.
Learn ‘100 mtr’ and ’10 to 10 test’ technique.
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‘Hundred meters’ and ‘ten to ten’ test
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Chapter 45
Forgive and forgive
This is the modified version of “forget and forgive”. There is a vide difference between to forget and to forgive. If I say “I have forgotten your name” It has no meaning as far as the emotional pain or pleasure is concerned. where as forgiveness comes after knowing truly the event, the consequences and the pain that the event has given to you.”
The work forget (forgetting) and forgive (forgiving) in it self suggests that one is “for getting” something while the other is “for giving” something.
Forgiving others is completely a simple process if you have compassion as one of your core value.where as, forgiving oneself is very difficult if you have stringent rules for evaluating your own performance or if you highest values.
Some thirty fire years back while traveling in a steam engine driven train in Northern Gujarat, I lost my bag containing all original documents of my career up to the final semester engineering exam mark sheets. It shook me to the bottom, thinking it was a disaster. “How I can be so careless to miss a bag containing such important documents?” I could not explain it to myself I could get duplicate copies of them all now. As I look back on the event occurred some thirty five years ago it has no significance today. I have not forgotten the incidence; I still remember vividly what exactly happened and how I felt those days. Nevertheless I
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have forgiven myself for my lapse may be blunder. I will not get upset whenever; I remember this incidence now on the contrary I smile over it and move on. Infect, I often remember this incidence to tone down, my pain of current lapses or mistakes. I know it for sure, that any incidence has no major significance after certain period of time.
Forgiving others and most importantly forging. oneself is the key to unload tons of emotional load from your head.
This does not, however, mean that you should not act when it is required to take immediate action. This is useful only when an event has already occurred and you have no control whatsoever over it. Only forgiveness will work in such cases.
Learn the technique of ‘forgive (others) and forgive (yourself too)”………
Asking you to forgive yourself and drop the guilt is easier said the done. I know.. I have first hand experience of it. I tell you guilt is one of the worst things that happen to you. And it is the prime cause of clinical depression.
Here is the way out. Key is to write down on a piece of paper the worst emotions then soothing lines at the end of letter-note. More and more time you write and say I forgive my self, you feel beter.
One of the fastest way is to do following steps.
1.Remember the event which gives you immense guilt.
2. Close the eyes.
3. Clinch the left arm fist and immediately remember a good experience of your life…
Forgive and forgive
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feel that good experience now.
4. Do this several times in a day.
Both this techniques will slowly but certainly reduce your guilt load.
So…. Forgive (others) and forgive (yourself too)”
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Chapter 46
Accept the consequences
of your action and built up confidence
The other day my son was with me, when we saw a lady close her doors, put a lock and then checks it nearly a dozen times. Not only that, after walking a few steps she will came back and again recheckel the lock for half a dozen times.
“She do not have confidence” my son tried to explain it to me.
“Oh, yes, may be” I replied casually.
Later, when I tried to analyses the event I find that it is not only lack of confidence only which make you behave in such manner. Yes, it is lack of confidence but it is one third of the story.
There are three aspects involved in such action oriented behavior.
1. Lack of confidence.
2. Not ready to accept the consequences of action.
3. Negative interpretation of consequences.
We are all aware of the first past of such behavior, namely lack of confidence. This also stems out from the fact that, it may have same past records. And that she has given the incidence a ‘trigger’ Status. For instance, the lady in question may not be worried about her
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office drawer being open or close. Because she has not thought enough negative on that event, where as here she has given a status of trigger by thinking in the negative way several times may be years together.
The second part is ‘not ready to accept the consequence of action.’ If you are ready to accept what ever is out come of your action, you are not bothered. If the lady is ready to accept the fact that her house can be burgled if kept upon, she can remain at peace. She is not bothered by the office drawer because he accepts the consequence of it, if it is remained open overnight.
The third part, which is more important then the above two is interpretation of consequence. This is the main factor which determines your behavior. If you attach very bad feeling to your outcome of action or even possible out come of action you are too cautious. If the lady in once example believes that, it is a disaster to keep her house open overnight and that she can not forgive herself for such lapses, she is extremely cautions not to make any mistake to the extent of one in millions and in the process, she losses the confidence. The whole vicious circle is them completed. She do not know why she behaves this way. Infect she wants to stop such behavior forcibly.
To solve the mystery of such behaviors – you have to address all three aspects. Better you start addressing the third one, then second. If you address third and second aspects mentored above, your confidence will automatically be taken care. Be aware that, confidence does not come alone and that too forcibly without resolving the other two parts of your personality traits.
Accept the consequences and built up confidence.
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Chapter 47
A gifted toy
(Tamed monster, a buddy)
O Guruji, thank you a zillion times,
you made me your boy.
now only, I can understand,
and accept this monster as a gifted toy.
Now I can play with him, if I want,
and turn it off when I don’t.
I allow it to play with myself,
and then pack it off to the shelf.
The monster sometimes smiles,
And walk with me, hand in hand, for miles.
Sometimes, when I am unable to walk,
He lifts me up, and run, shunning the talk.
He is my buddy, if I deploy
I know, for sure, it is my GIFTED TOY.
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(Annexure – I)
List of books : (Recommended)
Sr. No.
Book
Author
1.
Shrimad Bhagvat Gita
Swami Prabhupad
2.
Unlimited power
Anthony Robins
3.
Awaken the Giant with in
Do
4.
Saint Kabir
5.
Musing of mind
Swami Ramdas
6.
Letters by Swami Vivekanand
Swami Vivekanand
7.
Don’t sweet the small staff and its all small staff
Richard Carlos
8.
Don’t Swat the small stuff with family
Do
9.
Don’t sweat the small stuff – at job
Do
10.
Don’t sweat the small staff – for teens
Do
11.
Yogasana
Any Reputed Yoga Institue
12.
Seven habits of highly effective people
Stephen R. Covey
13.
How to get what you want and how to want what you get
Jhon Gray
14.
You can happy no matter what
Richard Carlos
15.
Forever faith
Cyrus Merchant
16.
Heart felt
Do
17.
My experiment with truth
Mahatma Gandhi
18.
Stop worrying & start living
Dale Carnegie
19.
The power positive thinking
Dr. Vincent Pele
20.
The power of your sub-conscious mind
Do
21.
The Emotional Intelligence
David Goleman
22.
Working with Emotional Intelligence
Do
23.
Management guide to handling stress
Kate Keeven
125
Sr. No.
Book
Author
24.
How to control Anger
Er. M.K. Gupta
25.
Positive mental attitude
Napolean hill.
26.
Silvas mind control Method
Joes Silva
27.
Treasury of Joy and Enthusiasm
Dr. Vincent Pele
28.
The Complete mind management guide
M-Nair
29.
Wit & Wisdom
A Reader digest guide
30.
Making the most of your life
Do
31.
If life is a game, these are the rules
Cherin carter- scott
32.
Men are from mars and women are from venues
Jhon Gray
33.
Letters by Swami Vivekanand
Swami vivekanand
34.
Bridge across forever
Richard Bosh
35.
In search of Exallence
36.
One minute manager
co-author (Ken Blan chard)
37.
Anatomy of Illness
Helen Keller
38.
Faith of Helen Keller
H. Kellen
39.
See you at the top
Zig Ziglar
40.
Self Love
Rober schuller
41.
The one and only one you
Bruce Larson
42.
The greatest miracle in the world
43.
Moment with marry
Mary Cwowley
44.
Think mink
Do
45.
Making the most of life
Leron Brawnlow.
46.
The magic of thinking Brig
David schvartz
47.
Hooked on a good things
Sammy Hall & charles
48.
Life is tremendous
Charlie Jones
49.
The heart of a champion
Bob Richards
50.
Applied Imagination
Alex Osborm
Annexure – I
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A Gifted Toy
Sr. No.
Book
Author
51.
Dare to win
Jack Canfield and Mak Victor Hansen
52.
Over the Top
Zigziglar
53.
Something else to smile about
Zigziglar
54.
Slowing down the speed of life
Richard Carlous & Joseph baily
55.
Don’t worry, make money
Richard Carlson
56.
You can feel good again
Richard Carlson
57.
You can reach to top
Zig Zigglar
58.
In search of your true self
Walter Staplies
59.
Steps to the top
Zig Zigglar
60.
Staying up, up, up
Zig Zigglar
61.
How to stay cool, calm and collected
Johan New man
62.
Try giving yourself away
David dunn
I assure you, that by the time you read all these books, your view point, your thought process, you mood swing and even you clinical depression will vanish. Never the less, those advised to take medicine should continue with it.
E
